The Goon Blog

Making Yourself at Home

2010-10-14T16:36:00.004-04:00

I've moved a few times in my life readers. Despite my family being from Pittsburgh, I lived for my first five month's on God's green Earth in a little place known as Binghamton, New York. After that I lived in Pittsburgh, bounced to Baltimore, and came back to Pittsburgh where I shall hopefully remain forever. What a town. Anyway, there's totally a point coming: my eldest brother made his presence known in the neighborhood we moved into very quickly in Baltimore. You see, it was Baltimore, so of course there were dregs of society all around. Now, one cold winter's day, some asshat was pelting a girl from the neighborhood with snow balls as she tried to go about her day. She politely asked him to stop. He did not. My brother went enforcer on him. Throw snow balls back? No, that's what he's already doing, got to take it to the next level.

You ever had your head shoved into a trash can full of snow? Had it dumped on you? It ain't pleasant. It puts an end to crap without bloodshed. It's a dope move. So, while the girl's mother was asking my mother if my brother were single, one thing was known about this family: they were legit and became part of the neighborhood.

Coming to a new hockey team is the same thing. Mike Comrie shows up when he has to for the Penguins. Here's Kris Letang, heralded as one of our showcase defensemen, someone to be protected, someone who you don't let other teams take advantage of. Maxim Lapierre takes a run at Kris Letang, Comrie doesn't like it.

Welcome to Pittsburgh, Mike.

Lapierre is already going to the box for charging here, but Comrie sends an extra message, you're going to have to pay the price if you want to play that kind of chippy affair. Perhaps the message is received, perhaps it isn't. But, do you think all the guys on the Penguin bench didn't receive a message even if Max Lapierre didn't? Every one on that bench took notice. All the Penguin mothers are asking Mike Comrie if he's sin-WOA! Too close to talking about that thing I said I wouldn't talk about.

Anyway, this game was exactly what the Flyer game was supposed to be. I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't write about the game against the Flyers, the first at the CEC! The pageantry! The glory! The twenty-two combined penalty minutes and no fights! Wait, what? Yeah, fuck that game, wasn't a real game against the Flyers, nope, doesn't count.

Anyhoo, this game was a chippy game, a "tough scrabble," game as our Vice-President would say. Everyone got a little bit of that vengeance they wanted, mostly against P.K. Subban.

Every one says it's an accident, and it totally is. But, with Jordan Staal still on the shelf? I kind of wish it wasn't. Now, I don't wish injury on people...usually...but, do I wish a "Nagging Injury that Forces You To Miss Time On the Ice But Doesn't Effect Your Life Otherwise?" Well...

[Getty Images]

[Getty Images]

Can't say I'd be too upset if he wasn't playing against those two. Dude's a fierce competitor...just like that guy who's foot he kicked...

I ain't sorry Subban.

You know who didn't get any vengeance? Max fucking Talbot. Dude gets taken advantage by opposing teams pests than female interns at Vogue Magazine. Max Lapierre, as previously mentioned, fought Mike Comrie for his charge early in the game. Max Talbot tries to get in the act, but instead Lapierre just shakes his gloves at him and then takes a few punches, skating away laughing. Have fun in the box, Superstar. Sound familiar? Sound like Ruutu? Sound like Cooke? There's no video of Lapierre making Talbot look like a clown, so I'll just post this instead:

You mad? Cause I sure as Hell am. What a smug bastard.

God damn would he look good in Black and Gold though...

And Then Everyone Went Fucking Insane

2010-10-07T15:59:00.007-04:00

I like the Twilight Zone, readers. It's got a sweet opening theme song, it's got insane episodes about insane stuff, and it being referenced as "The Scary Door," in Futurama is one of my favorite running jokes in that series. So, when I say the games against Columbus where my own personal, goon related, Twilight Zone? I want you to know where I'm coming from.

Flash it back to September 24th and LOOK at the players dressed for that game: Craig Adams, Arron Asham, Matt Cooke, Deryk Engelland, Eric Godard, Mike Rupp, and Max Talbot. A feast of goons and pests fit for a King, there will be fights, scuffles, hatred, everything. Let's just take a gander at this here box score so I can figure out long this post is going to me...wait a second.

No fights? None? Zilch? Zip? Nada? Goose egg?

You're got to be fucking kidding me! Stunned doesn't even begin to describe how I felt about this game. No fights at all in a preseason game against a fake rival.

What a disappointment, I guess the game the next day didn't have any fights either, what with so many non goons dressing...wait what?

Five fucking fights?

A day after a goon's delight is ruined you give me five fucking fights? Let's get at it. We'll start with Kris Letang, who might be the craziest person I have ever seen in a preseason game.

I'm all for the skill guys sticking up for themselves now and then. But I like them doing for the right reason. While it's totally badass that Kris Letang handles his own and wins BOTH of these fights, his mind is clearly not on playing good hockey. In the second fight you can hear the announcers talking about who is getting under whose skin because of all this. I lean towards Steiggy on this one, Letang was out of his mind for this game. In addition to his two fights, Letang was stick fighting people all night. There is nothing I deplore more than people using their sticks as weapons. A crosscheck here and there keeps a man honest, but when they come up around the face like Letang's often does when he gets in one of his temper tantrums? That's where I draw the line. How long until we see another one of these incidents again?

Fucking stupid. Kris Letang: If you're going to fight, fight. Don't go halfway about it waving your stick at people's head predominantly and only SOMETIMES dropping the gloves. You're a pro hockey player, you're better than that. Hell, I don't think you should be fighting at all, let Eric Godard or Mike Rupp or Arron Asham or Craig Adams or Max Talbot or Matt Cooke go handle that business for you. You worry about putting on sniper shows with your wrist shot...when you can hit the net, that is... These guys get paid to look out for you so you can do what you do. You know why Sidney Crosby only has a handful of career fights? Because he's too fucking busy using his hands to score a shit load of goals. Maybe you should do the same, Letang.

Furthermore, it's not like Letang's fight had any purpose to them at all. Both of them were just two players with tempers that decided to drop them for no apparent reason. A check they didn't like too much, an unnecessary crosscheck, and then they went at it. They're good scraps kid, I liked 'em, keep the stick down and a cool temper, fight once in a blue moon? We'll be all right. Keep throwing temper tantrums? I'll keep doggin' ya.

[AP]

This picture is pretty fucking unreal, though. Get some.

Surprisingly, Evgeni Malkin's fight was ALMOST in the right mold. I say ALMOST because while it's good for Malkin to answer the bell against someone who took a run at him earlier in the game, again I'd like to see him using his hands to pocket those one timers I love seeing him score rather than punching dudes. Unfortunately, one of those unwritten rules of The Code is all about goons not fighting superstars, so while I'd have loved to see Eric Godard swing Rick Nash around and sock him in the face, it wasn't going to happen. Evgeni Malkin stepped up like a champ for himself, though.

No replay of the hit Nash laid on Malkin earlier in the game. The Pens announcers however talk about Nash running Malkin and the elbow laid on Malkin and this and that. Malkin stepped up in a big way for himself, I just hope he doesn't make a habit of it. Neck thing you know he'll be pulling a Ruslan Fedotenko, hotter than a two dollar pistol, then this happens:

Broken hand. Just like that. Stay away from those fights for me, eh Geno?

Leave it to the pros and the guys fighting for a roster spot.

It is so good to see Eric Godard dropping the gloves. Godard dropping the gloves does a lot of things: scares the crap outta people seeing a huge dude dropping bombs but more to our team's own importance, getting them back on task. At this point in the game, that is when Godard dropped his gloves, the Penguins were running around unfocused, taking runs, getting hit and retaliating, and finding themselves down 1-0. The rest of the second period, until Brooks Orpik took a penalty as time expired, the Penguins fought back with some good puck play and tied it up at one. A heavyweight bought brings the fans back into the game, and refocuses a team. Why do you think you see guys shouting "Let's Go!" so often after a fight?

I got no problem with Timmy Wallace. I think he's a solid grinder that'll play in the AHL and get some starts in the NHL now and then. The fact that he fights is just icing on the cake. What is even better, is that he fights without fear. Adding Derek Dorsett, a guy who has 27 career fights in the NHL, to a fight card that already had Milan Lucic on it, gives me a lot of respect for the Alaskan. He won't get a lot of playing time in the NHL with so many ahead of him in the pipeline, but he'll come with a ton of heart every time he gets a shot.

With dudes like Godard, Rupp, and Asham and AHL guys looking for a spot like Wallace and Engelland, there is no need for people like Kris Letang, Evgeni Malkin, or Sidney Crosby to fight. It's pretty fucking cool in the moment because you never see it and you're stoked to see it happen, but it ain't so cool when he breaks his hand or gets his clock cleaned. You worry about pounding pucks between the 4X6. Let Eric Godard worry about pounding faces.

Hope Winters Eternal

2010-09-30T18:32:00.009-04:00

Where the fuck did the Summer go? I mean, I absolutely love that Summer apparently went somewhere all of a sudden and it went from 90 degrees to me having to wear a sweatshirt in roughly six hours, but still, what the Hell happened? Suddenly leaves are on the ground, stupid yinzers are only talking about the Steelers, ladies everywhere are downing Pumpkin Spice lattes like it doesn't even matter, and those annoying summer temps are back at their high schools and colleges.

I'm not missing anything am I? I think I covered it all...wait...

[AP]

[AP]

Oh. My. God. Did anyone else know this was going on? Oh, hockey, you wonderful lady, how I have missed you. So, let's get right to the action, because that's what you're here for right? Fisticuffs? Knuckles sandwiches? Ice skating dudes beating the piss out of each other? Good, I thought so.

We come first, of course, to Jesse Boulerice. Boulerice is perhaps the definition of preseason fighters, a dude who drops the gloves, has been in the league for a long time, and is just looking for his chance to place some more puck, wherever it may be. Cause, really, if you want to describe Jesse Boulerice's career...other than his violent outbursts...you might as well just ask the Original Man in Black.

Boulerice knows exactly what he's supposed to do. Skate hard every shift, fight for dudes no matter what, and avenge his own fights...like this one...

Gorf...

But, the dude comes back for more. Now, me? Personally if some guy totally and utterly cleaned my clock with one punch, I'd probably say things like, "Let's not fight again. My face is still reeling from the last punch you threw at me. How bout a beer?" I'm not one for fighting dudes that beat the shit out of me already. That's why I'm not an enforcer. Jesse Boulerice is. Jesse Boulerice comes back in a big way.

Boulerice knows it's a man's game, and comes back in stout fashion:

[Reuters]

Unreal. For a moment, let us enjoy this crisp photo. I think it's something special at the CEC that gets overlooked: photography. With basically an unobstructed scope of vision from EVERYWHERE in the arena, press photography of Pittsburgh Penguins game are going to be gorgeous, with cameramen able to snipe shots like this from anywhere they want at anytime they want. Going to be a golden era of hockey photography at the CEC.

Really, did you expect anything else? Two dudes letting their respective managements know that even though they might not dress, might not even be with the big club, they're ready to take some grenades in the trenches when they need to. Say Godard, God forbid, doesn't make the Penguins roster. Say Rupp is hurt too for some reason. So, where are we going to turn? Being able to call up a dude like Boulerice when the Flyers or Rangers are coming to town is a nice thing to have in your pocket. He'll be forgotten about by your average Pens fan, but he'll still be huge if we need him to be.

The game itself, how great was it? No one except die hard Penguin fans will remember this along with Oct. 7th as the "first," game at the CEC, but it was still a wonderful experience. Don't believe me? Just look at this face from Mike Babcock:

[AP]

Bitter beer face!

Consider this in relation to...

[AP]

Pimp City. Population: That Guy. You think the game wasn't important to both of those teams? The stars of the Penguins playing in the game? The heavy checking in the first preseason game? These two teams are perhaps not bitter rivals like Pittsburgh and Philly or Detroit and Colorado, but with a lot of headline players that played in both of the Stanley Cup Finals still around, they have a chip on their collective shoulders. For that to be the first preseason game? What more could you want.

It's simple arithmetic folks, more photos of that face=more awesome times.

It's gonna be a great year.

It's September, Can You Feel It?

2010-09-05T11:08:00.004-04:00

Did anyone really think anything else was possible? After the two monster signings of Martin and Michalek, what was left for Ray Shero to do? Holes at forward with Fedotenko, Guerin, and Ponikarovsky all moving on needed to be plugged but what could Shero do with only pocket change to sign some forwards. It seems at long last, rather than signing the old dudes in the hopes that they plug it up for a season or two; Ziggy "Stardust," Palffy, Mark Recchi, John LeClair, Gary Roberts, Bill Guerin, etc., the Penguins are finally going to try and let their young forwards; Eric Tangradi, Mark Letestu, and Dustin Jeffrey, take every shot at cracking the first and second lines to fill in the question marks on the top to lines.

The third and fourth line? No question marks there except who is going to play night in night out. There are plenty of of players for those 3rd and 4th lines: Craig Adams, Matt Cooke, Eric Godard, Tyler Kennedy, Mike Rupp, and Max Talbot will be joined by Arron Asham and Mike Comrie to give Disco Dan Bylsma plenty of options amongst his grinders, penalty killers, and all around forces of nature. Out of these players, Comrie has the best shot to make it into the top two lines however he could fit anywhere, but more on that later.

So, who is going to play? Earlier this off season, Jody Shelley came to Philadelphia and Derek Boogaard has come to New York so I fully expect #28 to suit up when we play them at the very least. With Colton Orr in Toronto and last seasons fighting major leader, Zenon Konopka signing with the Islanders, we may even see Godard more than that. Godard's growing importance to the team has already been discussed though so let's move on to our two new boys.

Arron Asham

Everyone wants to focus on what Asham did in the playoffs for the Flyers last year when considering what he could possibly be for the Pittsburgh Penguins. Asham, however, could be putting up some huge numbers for the Penguins if you look at some of his even older numbers. Consider that Mike Rupp had easily his greatest season with the Penguins last year, pocketing 13 goals and 19 points when he never had more than 10 goals in his 9 year NHL career. Asham, who will probably get the same treatment Rupp got, (the odd matchup line change where Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, or maybe even Jordan Staal), has the possibility of putting up even bigger numbers. Asham has four seasons with 10 or more goals with a career high of 15 in 2002-2003 with the Islanders. I expect some fireworks from Asham this season, and not just from his fists:

We all know how I feel about Colby Armstrong. Seeing Asham immediately jump in, a guy who fights heavyweights like Rupp and super heavyweights like Orr, and beat the snot outta some snot nosed cheap shot middle weight like Armstrong for throwing a cheap shot is fantastic. You CANNOT have enough protect for the Penguin superstars. When Godard isn't in the line up, you obviously lose something with Asham in physicality and enforcing. But, Asham will bring a better offensive skills and isn't a GIANT drop off from Godard's fist. You like to see Godard in games when the opponent has a big time enforcer such as everyone in the Atlantic seems to have now, but against other teams, a combination of Asham and Rupp should suffice.

Plus, he looks like he could play Vincent Vega in a Pulp Fiction remake:

"I ain't your friend, palooka."

Mike Comrie

I don't care about Hilary Duff. Comrie has always been a player I have had a respect for because he plays the game hard, gets dirty, scores goals, fights, everything. Looking around the great vastness of the internet, in between all the mouth breathing and soul sucking crap, you'll find some interesting tidbits about this signing: Comrie signing for league minimum, Comrie giving up a lot of money elsewhere to sign with the Pens, Comrie replacing Guerin on Crosby's line, Crosby personally talking to Comrie about coming here and almost instantly congratulating him on his arrival to Pittsburgh. All of these things point to Mike Comrie being hungry like the wolf:

Really, I had no reason to post this song except for forcing the hungry like the wolf reference. Whatever, that song rules, you all suck.

Anyway, Comrie being hungry is going to push people, and I absolutely love it. Tyler Kennedy? Max Talbot? Are you listening? Mike Comrie, as long as he stays healthy is going to push everyone on this squad and has the talent to back it up; 33 goals with Edmonton in 01-02, 20 in 02-03, 30 with Phoenix in 05-06, 21 for with the New York Islanders in 07-08. Even combining the career highs of Tyler Kennedy and Max Talbot doesn't equal Comrie's career high. There's a new grinder in town ladies and gentlemen, and he's got him some hands.

As mentioned, though, Comrie's problem is staying healthy. Comrie has only played 50+ games in a season twice since the lockout. For league minimum though, this is another classic Ray Shero move of "low risk, high reward." Think Janne Pesonen, except, you know, better.

But, enough crap about goals and lame stuff like winning. My favorite thing about Mike Comrie, is, of course, that he fights. It's not just that he fights, it's that he fights with the frame he has. At 5'10", Comrie is the shortest player on the Penguins team yet he still throws down. What is great about his fight card is that while he gets a handful of fights each regular season, he has thrown down in the PREseason many times. Comrie, despite turning 30 years old on September 11th, still plays like a kid fighting for a roster spot. Once again, hungry like the wolf. Adding that kind of grit to a line that already includes Chris Kunitz and the superstar grinder himself, Sidney Crosby, is only going to make great things happen. On top of it all, Crosby still has two guys ready to drop the gloves at a moments notice on his line to stand up for him.

Bring the pain.

A Goon's Spin

2010-07-10T17:29:00.005-04:00

Over the past few days we've seen numerous Pens sites, whether it be tPB or Puck Huffers, reacting to the Pittsburgh Penguins plan to expand their ice crew into essentially what amounts to a cheer leading group of Puck Sluts. I absolutely cannot stand this the same way I don't like sponsored portions of the game, such as the Power Play or Overtime/Shootouts. It is a slight on the game. I understand sex sells, but this is absolutely ludicrous. You can get all the bits and details of why it isn't what the Penguins claim is an expansion of the currents Pens ice crew at Puck Huffers: revealing clothes, modeling experience, looking good. It is not about cleaning up the ice, it is about T and A.

Now, I'm fine with stuff during stoppages. Sometimes the ice needs to get cleaned up a bit, but trying to say that the primary purpose of this

[Reuters]

is the upkeep of the rink is absolutely wrong. It is, as tPB described, the first in what I hope to be few, steps away from "Old Barn Hockey" at the Mellon and the new hockey at the CEC.

I'm all for stuff during the intermissions. Who hasn't been to a Junior league or minor league game and thrown the pucks at the bins scattered around center ice? Or laughed at the slingshot bowling? THOSE are the times for entertainment beyond hockey and even then it should only be side shows like that. If I want T and A I'd go to a strip club, I came to see some hockey.

I will make a qualifying offer, however. You want to have your puck sluts? Fine. I want them to fight. I know, I know, no one wants to see the puck sluts get hurt, (except maybe real female hockey fans), so I'll offer this up.

Tell me you wouldn't watch that. Besides, it's not like they're actually cleaning the ice anyway, they might as well fight for my entertainment. It'll just make me want to see a real fight more, like some sort of tease, or shitty fight before the real main event at a boxing match. Everything's coming up tGB.

Though, there is one thing I will give for the prospect of a Slut Ice Crew: hilarious pictures:

[Reuters]

I'd like to make a save on THAT, am I right?

Eric Godard is Going to Get Paid

2010-07-07T12:39:00.003-04:00

What's up folks? It's been a while. Between manic depression after losing to a team the Penguins had no business losing to (gotta give it up for the heart the Habs showed, though), and a whole manner of other things, most of which is just actually having a job for once, there hasn't been too much time for me to write to my would be readers. For that, I apologize.

So, what's going on? Some sorta free agency thing? That's pretty cool. From a goon standpoint, the Penguins didn't really do much. Last season we signed Mike Rupp, who was about as big time as big time can get for an enforcer signing; dude was huge on the ice for the Pens, and not just fighting. This season we got us some solid defensemen, but not really fighters. In fact, Youtube searches for hits by Zbynek Michalek and Paul Martin yield nothing but dudes crushing them and this:

Barf. It's kind of hard to hate Ian Laperriere, he's a good dude off the ice like most goons are, but he's also a Flyer. We'll call it a push. So, for Martin, at least he can fire a slap shot at dudes if he needs to get a little rough, cause he sure isn't fighting. Paul Martin doesn't even APPEAR in Hockey Fights database, and Zbynek Michalek has but one fight when he was in Junior. Though, Zbynek Michalek is too busy helping his team do this to fight:

[Getty Images]

What are you, trying to score or something? Get outta here.

I wonder about who is going to fight because of the moves made by the other teams in our division. In New York, rather than addressing their young defense corps and small forward crop, they let Jody Shelley, probably one of the guys with the biggest hearts on the team, walk to Philadelphia and replaced him with Derek Boogaard. What's ridiculous about this is not just term (4 years), but amount of money (1.625 million). Eric Godard makes about a million dollars less than that and does the same job. Well, he might do it a little better:

Dude at the forty second mark is still one of the greatest things on the internet. What a face. It is incredible that the Rangers decided to pay this much out a year after giving Donald Brashear 1.3 million dollars. How'd that work out? Less fights than previous years? Sent to the minors? Waived? Something like that. Jody Shelley was certainly an upgrade for New York, but then they let him walk to pay a guy like Derek Boogaard more to do less. Looking at that roster, I can't help but love Glen Sather. Another in a long list of terrible moves. Boogaard is an excellent fighter, great and intimidation, and good at protecting his players. With the tiny forwards on the Rangers, they'll need just that. But, 4 years at 1.625 million dollars? What a joke.

So, it seems Jody Shelley needed to find a new job. In a previous post, I have lauded Jody Shelley for being awesome. Two girl names, tough as nails, all heart. When he played for San Jose he seemed to be the only guy with fire in his eyes. It is ALL out the window now. You're a Philadelphia Flyer now, all bets are off. I don't understand this signing either...I mean, I know why the Flyers did it: because they're still eating up their dinosaur past where they won by having bench clearing brawls more than being a more talented hockey team, but it makes no sense to anyone else. Shelley is a spirited fighter, but on the roster the Flyers already have Riley Cote and Ian Laperriere. In addition to that, Arron Asham perhaps comes back when he signs a new deal and Daniel Carcillo a RFA. Where does Shelley fit in? Why does Shelley fit in? He and the Flyers better find him a place to fit in for 3 years and 1.1 million dollars or else that goalie problem is going to look a lot bigger.

Eric Godard has never gotten the best of Jody Shelley while in a Penguins uniform. Twice he and Shelley have dropped them while Shelley was a member of the San Jose Sharks and twice Shelley convincingly one. Far more distant, Godard bloodied Shelley when Shelley played for Columbus and Godard played for the New York Islanders. But, if you think Godard is thinking about that fight, you're sorely mistaken. He's hopefully thinking about this one:

They chanted his name. Opening night, the Flyers and Shelley come to town. The new arena. Godard, I want your your name to be the first to be chanted in that arena.

These two signings change the game for the Penguins. As it stood prior to these signings, I thought Eric Godard would not be returning after he fulfilled the final year of his contract. Now, with two of the best enforcers coming into the division for the next 3 years at least, Godard's worth to the Penguins has gone up. I would like to see Eric Godard staying in a Penguins uniform after this season; he knows hot to do his job, doesn't complain when he doesn't play, and comes cheap.

Of Pipe Dreams and Kinda Scuffles

2010-05-06T15:10:00.006-04:00

Scrums seem to be the soup of the day for this series....soup of the series? Whatever. That's all that seems to be going on this series. It started with Matt Cooke's devastating check on Andre Markov in Game 1 with Mark Eaton fighting to protect Cooke after an up and down clean check.

...Well, sorta fought, anyway.

What is the most telling about this is what the announcer says, incredulously, "He just finished his check." Exactly. Though, when you're Matt Cooke, you have to expect to get jumped the second you lace your skates up. Sidney Crosby delivers this check? No one gets that upset. Probably some pushing and shoving but certainly no dog pile jumping. I'm more surprised that Matt Cooke injured someone with a clean check, usually he has to do a douche bag move to hurt somebody. Woo.

Mark Eaton is an absolute stud this post season so far. During the Senators series he repeatedly got between Ottawa's squad of goons and pests whether it be Jarkko Ruutu or Chris Neil when they were going after bigger superstars like Kris Letang and Evgeni Malkin. Here he absolutely frustrates Travis Moen by not letting him get to Matt Cooke and then tying him up entirely without letting Moen throw one punch. You've been there. Video game not going your way, sports team losing, stubbed your toe. What are you gonna do? You can't punch anything. Well, I mean if you're a psycho path you can throw ironing boards and chairs or break your controllers...not that I've ever done those things...

Uh, anyway, Eaton stepping up there was absolutely choice. What are the Habs going to do after that? Take a penalty? Pout? Lose? All of the above?

We all knew the frustration was going to come from Jaroslav Halak. The man is playing some lights out goaltending. Everyone wants to talk about how he beat the Washington Capitals because they didn't want to change their strategy. That's probably somewhat true, but the fact remains he shut down Alexander Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, Mike Green, as well as other solid goal scorers on the Washington Capitals like it didn't even matter for three straight games. That's disgusting. Period.

So we knew there would be frustration. Crosby gets frustrated from the style of play the Habs are playing, big fucking deal. I personally love when Crosby gets frustrated and starts giving people shit. A superstar pest? I'm all for it. Him bumping Mike Cammalleri and then skating away leaving Cammalleri to scream and gnash his teeth has been one of my favorite moments of these young playoffs. But, he's been mad three times, maybe? That deserves its own TSN short, doesn't it?

I guess so. Everyone is already on whatever side they're going to be (Unless of course Crosby is wearing a Team Canada jersey, jokes.) but I'm gonna give my two cents anyway. Sidney Crosby is the first person to break his stick on a goal post right? And what does Jaroslav Halak really even care about Crosby breaking his stick? He's just happy he connected with the goalpost instead of Halak's head.

Ex-Pen Tomas Surovy, getting it done. What a dumb ass. So, really, this isn't without precedent. It's just that, like everything else, Crosby is better at it than most people. Surovy? Swing and a miss. Crosby? On target. And honestly, is this really a "temper tantrum"? Shoving a guy who's face washing you? I guess every hockey player who has ever played the game from squirt to junior to pro throws temper tantrums then. Cut me a fucking break. The entire city of Montreal RIOTED because Rocket Richard got suspended. THAT'S a temper tantrum...well...no....it's worse than a temper tantrum actually...it's a riot.

Apparently, though, the Montreal Canadiens, and specifically Scott Gomez, aren't up for giving me a break. In Game Three Sidney Crosby takes a stick to the back of the head from Brian Gionta at the end of the second period. Anyone saying the stick wasn't that bad as insane as Crosby's helmet clearly showed a black mark from where the stick connected with his helmet at the start of the third. Beyond that, why don't we ask Donald Brashear how sticks to the head feel.

Good times. Anyhoo, Scott Gomez seems to think Crosby is somehow being a baby in this instance. I'd pay GOOD money to see Gomez try to tell Brashear the same thing. Can't say you don't know how to pick your fights though I suppose, Scottie.

What is Gomez thinking? "You got a stick to the head, I'm gonna give you shit for it?" The team around Crosby stepping up is what I enjoy the most. Malkin grabbing the much smaller Gionta is a thing of beauty: "You gonna pick on our captain for being hurt? I'm gonna pick on a much smaller player myself." Hockey players see everything, don't think Malkin and everyone else on the ice didn't know who's stick hit Crosby. Letang rubbing Gorges, Kunitz laughing at Hamrlik while the refs try to separate them? It's all good.

These are not the Washington Capitals, Scott Gomez. The Penguins are not going to shy away from this shit, nor are they going to let you get away with starting shit with Sidney Crosby like he's Tom fucking Poti. Again, what are you thinking?

Finally, going into Game 4, it's important to look at the depth of the Penguins right now. Jordan Staal is an iron man, we know this, but with Bill Guerin and Mike Rupp both possibly out, the question remains for toughness. Are Chris Conner and Mark Letestu going to play hard? No doubt. Are they big and imposing? Big doubt. Eric Godard has a career +/- rating of -16. His +/- rating against the Montreal Canadiens is +2. A man can dream can't he?

And dream I shall.

Heeding the Call Against Montreal

2010-04-30T16:45:00.002-04:00

The Montreal Canadiens/Washington Capitals series should have been a much shorter series. We go back to Game 2 of that series. The Canadiens are beating the PISS out of the Capitals 4-1 when the comeback begins. With the Capitals fully in control of the momentum, rather than try to stay the rabid crowd and try to quiet them, Scott Gomez does this during a scrum after a play.

Gomez has two career fights, and prior to this his last one was a decade ago. Those stats come as absolutely no surprise what so ever in terms of EVERYTHING that has to do with fighting. While not nearly as bad as Carcillo dropping the gloves with Max Talbot last season, this has got to rank up there. In terms of timing it could have not been a worse time to fight.

I don't know who is going to protect the Canadiens if push comes to shove in this series. We've all seen what the Penguins can do to hot goalies in order to get them off their game. It ain't just peppering them with shots and goals either:

Ouch. Game Two though, huh? Wonder what happened the rest of that series...

The Penguins are not the Washington Capitals. They are nasty, they have bastards on their forecheck, and their star Russian doesn't choke. The Canadiens are going to need more than Scott fucking Gomez to protect their on fire goaltender.

The Montreal Canadiens only had 32 fights during the regular season. Ryan O'Byrne (who only played in 4 of the 7 games in Round 1), leads the Canadiens with 6 fights. He is followed by Montreal's response to Fuck Yeah! Craig Adams! in Travis Moen (5) and then Georges Laraque (4) whom I still sometimes forget actually played hockey this season.

I'm going to go boldly out on a limb and know my boys can step up for me: the Montreal Canadiens cannot match the toughness that the Pittsburgh Penguins will bring to the table. Who is going to drop the gloves when the Penguins run Jaroslav Halak? Jaroslav Spacek? Andrei Markov? Hal Gill? Those boys will be too busy crumbling from hard checks from Kunitz, Cooke, and Adams, as well as others, to be too ready to throw themselves on the sword for Halak as is. And when they DO fight? Well...

Oh...Hal. Montreal clearly doesn't know when is a good time to fight, as evidenced by Scott Gomez, and when they DO fight, who is going to strike terror into your heart in that lineup? Seriously, who are YOU more afraid of? Mike Rupp or Ryan O'Byrne?

So, with this TERROR of a team facing off against us, I'm sure Mike Rupp, Chris Kunitz, Max Talbot, Matt Cooke, and all our other bastards will be SHAKING in their skates when considering getting a little rough with Jaroslav Halak.

Or, they won't, at all.

Chris Neil: Possible Undercover Agent for the Pens?

2010-04-22T14:30:00.009-04:00

The frustration that the Ottawa Senators have shown over the past two games has been an absolute joy to behold. Watching the Penguins beat them in a slow dump and chase AND the run and gun styles has been almost too easy for Penguins fans to watch and almost too much for Senators fans to. The players on the ice seem to be having the same reaction, with Game 3 and 4 being full of Senators just going crazy pants.

This began with, in my mind, Daniel Alfredsson losing his cool on Brooks Orpik. I know what you're thinking and I'm in total agreement with you as well: I had no idea that Alfredsson was playing in this series either.

What are you even thinking in this situation? "That guy is on the ice, I'm going to give him a knee drop," just absolute insanity. Brooks Orpik gets up laughing after this though so I can't say I'm too upset. I also like Tyler Kennedy laughing the entire time he is involved too. A bit of a pest sometimes, that TK.

Unsurprisingly, the Senators were just getting started and it was then that Chris Neil decided to rear his ugly head. Chris Neil's actions in Game 4 were absolutely ridiculous of a person who wants to win hockey games.

Honestly, what the fuck do people expect here? Hockey goalies are quite possibly the most protected individuals in the world of sports. Breathing on them wrong results in a shit storm. Remember what happened to Darcy Hordichuk when he jumped on the baby Russian, Alex Pechurski?

And remember that's just some kid who is playing his first career game in the NHL and no one knows a thing about. This is our franchise goaltender, in the playoffs, against the biggest douche the Senators have to offer, so the reaction is delicious:

[Reuters]

Brilliant, Neil. Brilliant. No small wonder you have 20 minutes of penalties in only 4 games played. Five minutes a game? And you're not fighting? You fucking suck.

Neil did pocket his second goal of the playoffs to get the Senators back in the game, but IMMEDIATELY took away any possible momentum that could have come from it by hitting Kris Letang in the back after scoring:

[Reuters]

What a fucking idiot. The Senators just got back in the game, let's take them right back out of it.

Neil, however, STILL wasn't done, as he attempted, like he did earlier this season, to start shit at the end of the game when there was no heavy protection on the ice in the form of Eric Godard or Mike Rupp. Between he and Jarkko Ruutu, however, all it resulted in was Matt Cooke taking a sucker punch and everyone else hugging it out. Neil having anything to say to the bench as he skates by is nothing short of ridiculous:

[AP]

Clearly though, this is all just part of Chris Neil's undercover work to keep Ottawa and its fans trusting him as he slowly undermines their attempts at getting to the second round of the Stanley Cup playoffs.

Keep up the good work, Agent Neil.

Marked For Death

2010-04-18T13:13:00.005-04:00

I think the title is pretty fitting, don't you readers? People were joking about Bill Guerin's use of "Out For Justice," as a slogan for the team going forward in the playoffs. Many joked that if the Penguins lost Game 2 (in their wild over analysis of the Senators Game 1 win), that the Penguins should change it to "Under Siege," or "Marked For Death." After Game 2, I think "Marked for Death," needs to remain, if only for Andy Sutton:

Disgusting hit. I don't care what anyone else says, this is what the NHL is trying to get out of the league. Head shot to an unsuspecting player, this is what this hit is, this is what the NHL has been bitching about. Yet, it happens, and nothing comes from it? The NHL discipline is an absolute joke, and the defenses for Sutton are even bigger jokes.

My favorite first: that Sutton is just a tall dude and Leopold was bent over. Absolutely ridiculous. Apparently, Zdeno Chara should never be penalized because he's too tall, or Hal Gill for that matter. It is irrelevant that Andy Sutton is 6'6". Sutton, like any other athlete, has complete control over his body, where it moves, where he puts it, everything. He's not some chubby jackass writing a blog about dudes fighting, let's be serious here. Sutton hit Leopold in the head because that's what he targeted, not because he's too tall to hit anything else.

The other major defense for Sutton is that Leopold should have somehow seen the hit coming. Since Andy Sutton didn't technically come from directly behind Leopold, it isn't a blindside hit? What a crock of shit. Sutton comes laterally and up to connect with Leopold from the side. To believe that the scope of a human's vision is somehow 180 degrees and he can see EVERYTHING in front of him is absolutely ridiculous. It is not a north-south hit like Andrew Ladd laid on Matt D'Agostini earlier this season, it is a hit from the side on a player who never saw it coming. Furthermore, Leopold has another player in between him and Sutton's hit. It reminds me of Darius Kasparaitis' hit on Eric Lindros in the long years gone. As a quick aside, happy trails to the Penguin legend who announced his retirement this week.

The only difference between these hits? Kasparaitis hits body on body and has no intention of going after Lindros' head. Shoulder to chest, all the way. THAT is a good hockey hit, not what Sutton did to Leopold.

The response by the Penguins was great. Immediately players are getting in Sutton's face and the end of the period was one of the greatest showings of badassery I have ever seen by Mikey Rupp and Mad Max Talbot, who is playing his best hockey of the season, right when we need it most.

Hilarious. I don't even care that it ends up being Max Talbot that fights Zack Smith. Rupp is doing what he was. Shoving a dude through the zamboni doors is probably the funniest thing I have seen since Jamie Langenbrunner chasing Chris Kunitz through the players benches. Rupp is after bigger fish than Zack Smith, who wouldn't even be playing if it wasn't for half of Ottawa being injured. Rupp does this through out the game, throwing Smith and Justin Winchester about and then not caring when they get up and try to get in his face. What are these clowns going to do to Mike Rupp, anyway? If Rupp is going to fight, it's got to be against Andy Sutton. Maxime Talbot stepping up in a big way, throwing them at the end of the period. You throw 'em at the end of the period, you know there's something that needs to be responded to because it rarely happens.

The other outcome scares me a lot more. In not punishing Sutton the league has opened the door for more head shots in this "gray" area. When Jason Spezza is laying at center ice, not moving, after Matt Cooke takes his head off, you won't find me crying about it. In fact, my reaction will probably be more akin to this:

The worst part about all of this? The NHL can stop this, but they'd rather continue to be a Garage League. There needs to be NO gray area. NO hits where the head is the primary point of impact. The NFL took away leading with the crown of your helmet to hit another place in the head. The follow through can hit the helmet as long as that isn't the primary point of contact. This can be the same in hockey.

Will it make the league a "pussy" league? Well, ask Eric Lindros how hard hits are when they aren't to the head...

Sandpaper

2010-04-16T14:08:00.008-04:00

How terrible is it to have the two guys you just spent a good number of minutes berating and other wise hating on win the game? Jarkko Ruutu and Chris Neil took my blog and laughed at it long and hard. I don't think it was a lack of toughness on the Penguins part. Chris Kunitz, Pascal Dupuis, even Jordan Staal and Ruslan Fedotenko, were laying the lumber in the corners and drilling Ottawa defensemen into the boards at every pass. Yet, through this toughness, Chris Neil sucked the life outta the building with a goon goal:

[AP]

Vomit. It was like a vacuum in the Mellon Arena the fans literally went from shouting and carrying on, "Let's Go Pens! Let's Go Pens! Let's Go P-," Silence. There is nothing that kills a crowd more than a goal from someone that shouldn't be scoring or a goal that shouldn't have been allowed. BOTH happened on this goal. Neil looked like he was Valery Kharlamov because of Fleury's awful positioning. Neil should be busy hitting in the corners and getting hit, not putting on sniper shows like he's some dude in the Battle of Stalingrad.

Underrated flick.

Anyway, I was surprised by the resiliency the Penguins showed despite the third line of the Senators running roughshod over them with EACH of the players on the line pocketing a goal, Neil, Kelly, and Ruutu. Ruutu's goal stung for the same reason Neil's did: a goal that shouldn't have gone in from a player who shouldn't have scored it. This would be like Mike Rupp and Matt Cooke scoring in the same game. It's just not something that happens often. It's BACK BREAKING.

The Penguins had their own unexpected goal as well, at least outside of Pittsburgh. Within the Steel City, I think everyone knows that a guy like Craig Adams is going to do amazing things in the playoffs. Him scoring that goal, I felt like the goal counted for two. A goal from Craig Adams was sadly wasted, but, it being the playoffs, you know more are going to be scored:

[Lifted from tPB from cblog poster "27th Heaven"]

Un-fucking-real.

I'm just here to talk about the goons and pests and discuss what I think happens because of them. You know whatever other site for why the Penguins lost 5-4: Fleury, the defense, Crosby's jersey not sitting right, whatever. It ain't my place.

What is my place is the rumor that Mike Rupp will be returning to the lineup. I am all for this, but not for who is expecting to be sitting out. As I said in the opening paragraph, Ruslan Fedotenko was tied for the team lead in terms of hits in Game 1. Yet he seems to be the odd man out in favor of Rupp. Personally, I would match the sand paper of the Senators third line having Neil and Ruutu flanking Chris Kelly with Matt Cooke and Rupp flanking Jordan Staal. I think, at the very least, bump Tyler Kennedy down to the 4th line and move Rupp up. The 4th line of Talbot, Adams, and Kennedy would stay a great energy line and Anton Volchenkov and Chris Phillips have to deal with Rupp AND Cooke coming in on the forecheck, if Dan Bylsma matches up the lines correctly.

No need to worry, I will be absolutely stunned if we see this more often then we did in Game 1:

[Reuters]

Regardless of who is out for the Penguins tonight, you cannot deny that Mike Rupp is going to light someone up on his first shift, because that is the game he plays. Toughness, grit, hard checking. Obviously, Mike Rupp also brings a little bit of protection to the rest of the lineup. I don't care who you are, you see a big son of a bitch like Rupp in the lineup with you, you're going to be a little more aggressive knowing that guy is going to have a "talk," with anyone who gives you shit for your aggressive play. I expect Mike Rupp to start scrums anytime he is in front of the net and get his money's worth of face washes and pushes and shoves. Let 'em know you're in the game, Rupper.

Bring the pain.

The Goon Quotient

2010-04-13T17:55:00.014-04:00

The playoffs bring a harder style of play to the ice: bigger checks, more pushing and shoving after a whistle, and more facewashes than you can shake a sweat soaked glove at. There is very little in terms of a fight drop off, however. In 83 playoff games last season, there were 41 fights. One every 2 games, essentially. During this regular season that just ended there were 1366 fights in 2460 games. A little under 2 games between every fight, 1.8 games, rounding off. Those statistics were grabbed from www.hockeyfights.com. There is no reason to believe that the intensity of the NHL playoffs will cause a lack of fighting in the games. I think the slight discrepancy is due to the length of an 82 game regular season vs. an, at most, 28 game post season. Eric Godard players during the regular season because people are more likely to do something stupid during the regular season. In the post season, people are afraid to do something that might result in a power play when that can change a game and largely a series. One game out of 82, though? Not so big a deal.

That said, there are going to be fights in the post season. Pittsburgh lead playoff teams last season with 7. Maybe that's due to the number of games they played, maybe it's just due to the fact that they're badasses. Personally, I lean towards the latter but one never does know. Anyway, I figured either way we should be checking out the pests and goons of the Ottawa Senators and how they match up against the Penguins:

Jarkko Ruutu

[AP]

Allow me a moment to compose myself. This is troubling for me. Jarkko Ruutu used to wear the black and gold, as I'm sure you all are aware. I also own a Ruutu Penguins jersey. As a fan who loves pests and goons, the schadenfreude Jarkko Ruutu takes in a lot of his fights, laughing like a crazy person while he punches someone in the faces or trips someone like this:

Classic! When he does those things, it's just so god damn hard to hate him. It's probably why I liked him before he was on the Penguins and continue to now. It comes as no surprise that the SportsArgumentWiki calls Ruutu "the heartbreak kid."

Terrible. But, I know the first time Ruutu pulls something on the Penguins, none of that is going to matter. It will be pure hate going forth, frothing at the mouth for Rupp or Kunitz or Orpik or ANYONE to light him up. It's been a long time (the beginning of last season when the Penguins opened overseas) since this happened, but this makes my blood boil a little bit already.

He doesn't fight often, but he's still going to be a jerk and get under someone's skin. Ruutu does know how to through them, however, when he needs to. This is something he seems to have over our pest, Mattie Cooke. Coincidentally, in that same video is the other public enemy of the Ottawa Senators...

Chris Neil

[AP]

What a fucking toolbox.

I don't think anyone doesn't know how I feel about Chris Neil. However, in the case you don't, here's a nice taste: http://www.thegoonblog.blogspot.com/2009/10/chris-douche-bag-neil.html. I suppose that Chris Neil is incredibly good at his job, though, judging by how angry I am at him after every time the Penguins have faced off against him and the Senators. However, most like than not, Eric Godard will not be in the lineup for the Pittsburgh Penguins. That, sadly, means we probably won't see this face on Neil's face:

I never get tired of that picture. If I could have it on a t-shirt, I'd wear it for every game.

With Godard more than likely out of the lineup, that leaves Mike Rupp (who himself might be out of the lineup), and guys like Bill Guerin and Craig Adams left to keep Chris Neil in check. Rupp has thrown 'em with Neil before this season.

I'd call this one a draw if you're not counting Neil's punches after the linesmen step in. Again, what a fucking toolbox. Regardless of the outcome of the fight, getting Neil off the ice to keep him from getting after Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin may be just as key as how well Crosby or Malkin matches up against Anton Volchenkov because I've got two words for you otherwise:

Adam. Graves.

Matt Carkner

[Getty Images]

Carkner doesn't seem to me to be the dick that Ruutu and Neil are, but he is most definitely the clean up crew for the Ottawa Senators. Carkner has cracked the NHL finally and found a niche as the enforcer for the Senators while playing some decent defense for them as well. At 6'4", 231 lbs, Carkner leads the Sens with 24 fights (Mike Rupp has half as many as the Pens leader with 12). Carkner will step up for Neil or Ruutu when Rupp or Guerin or whomever tries to get after them. More than likely, Rupp will have to go after Neil when Carkner isn't on the ice, or the fight simply isn't going to happen. Every punch or check will hurt a little bit more from Carkner in my opinon as he used to be part of Pittsburgh's organization, spending the entirety 06-07 season at Wilkes-Barre/Scranton. Aren't we missing a big fuck off defensemen now a days? However, just because Carkner fights a lot, doesn't mean he knows HOW to fight.

Ouch.

However, despite this, from the pure position of who's willing to drop the gloves on the team, the Penguins take it. 12 different Penguins have dropped the gloves for the team this season compared to Ottawa's nine. The Penguins also have players who have dropped the gloves in the past that haven't thus far this season including Brooks Orpik and Max Talbot. From a standpoint of being pests and enforcing, I have no doubt that the Penguins can match the Senators fist for fist, facewash for facewash.

Come get a taste.

Riding Into the Best Fucking Sunset Ever

2010-04-11T23:43:00.010-04:00

Eric Godard isn't going to play in the playoffs as it stands now. You know this, I know this, Eric Godard knows this. This is one of the reasons that makes Eric Godard so good at his job. He never complains about not getting ice time, and when he does get ice time, he does his job perfectly. He fights, he sticks his neck out, he yells at people who look at Crosby and Malkin funny, everything. Eric Godard is the best enforcer in the NHL right now, period. You don't see him bitching like Georges Laraque did earlier in the season or being booed on his home ice like Donald Brashear was earlier in the season. You see him being hailed by his teammates and fans a like. Godard got the "Player's Player," award last season for a reason.

So, to see him skating these last two games and skating well has been an absolute joy. Saturday night he threw down with Eric Boulton of the Atlanta Thrashers in order to calm the arena down. Evander Kane is one of the baddest dudes around after this game. In addition to getting under Sidney Crosby's skin multiple times and Mike Rupp's, he WALLOPED. FLAT. OUT. WALLOPED, Matt Cooke.

[Getty Images]

Sick. This is what people in Boston wanted. They wanted Cooke wrecked, absolutely destroyed, and he was by Evander Kane. Maybe Kane should start enforcing for the Bruins since Thornton didn't seem to do the trick? You can see it a little in the picture, but we need to go to the video.

Kane saves Cooke from further injury by having a hold of his jersey so he doesn't bash his head off the ice. You see this once in a blue moon and everyone who is Anti-Fighting wants to jump on the bandwagon to get fighting out of the league. But, guess what? People are going to get hurt, legally, in hockey even if you take fists out of the league. There's really no reason to explain where I stand in what place fisticuffs have in hockey and if you honestly don't know, first of all you're an idiot, but also you can just look the other posts on this website.

Kane popping Cooke didn't calm down the players on the opposing sides, however, and the chippy play continued to pick up, culminating in Godard and Boulton dropping the gloves:

[Getty Images]

[Getty Images]

This is why I like hockey and enforcing. In no other sport does this happen. A fight calms everyone down. In baseball beaning someone begets more beaning begets bench clearing brawl begets ejections and that is how it is fixed. In football pushing and shoving begets more shoving begets some flags begets me being bored for longer than I should be. In hockey a fight calms everyone down and I absolutely love it. To keep with the theme of my last post, it's like two champions of their respective houses drawing arms for everyone in their house to fight for their honor. Afterward it is almost always done with. This is what Godard does, he fights some big dude so Sidney Crosby can continue to do what they do and the Atlanta Thrashers aren't shaking in their skates that they might have to fight Eric Godard. Everyone calms down and refocuses.

The following evening Godard was back at it against the Islanders. BUT, in this game Godard did more than just fight. Roughly thirty seconds after Mike Rupp fought Eddy Gordo from the Tekken series:

[Getty Images]

Seriously, I had no idea capoeira had become a fighting style of NHL enforcers. Ridiculous. Anyway, 30 seconds after that, the unthinkable happen. Screw Sidney Crosby's 50th goal, screw Sidney Crosby's 51st goal, this happened:

[Getty Images]

It's all there are Craig Adams face (and you KNOW Fuck Yeah! Craig Adams! is going to bury a huge goal in the playoffs). Adams has that smile that you had when you were 7 and were unwrapping the big present on Christmas. You saw the unmistakable green and blue flash of this underneath the wrapping paper:

And suddenly Christmas just got that much better. There are numerous ways to describe an Eric Godard goal: Your own personal pinata full of your favorite candy, a case of beer that you thought held 16 ounce bottles that turned out to hold 22 ounce bottles, your classes canceled due to snow, copious amounts of sweet love making, or even that terrible (awesome) movie that you watch over and over again but still fucking rules:

Fuck yeah.

The man...the legend, however, was not finished yet. Godard gave Joel Rechlicz a chance to redeem himself for the sillyness that ensued between him and Rupp earlier in the game. Godard most likely wanted to go after him for the way he didn't let Rupp set up, as how the rules of heavyweight fights have seemed to change to favor over the years.

Nice scrap by the kid, I have to say. Godard seems to be pissed at him for only tying Godard's hands up the entire fight, but when you're going up against one of the better goons in the league, can you really blame him? Godard does get in a few shots so I guess it is a slight victory for him. Two thirds of the Gordie Howe hat trick, not too bad, Eric.

I, however, have a bone to pick with the New York Islander broadcast team of Howie Rose and Billy Jaffe. They make their jokes in the final game of the season, saying the fight is meaningless and that it's dancing with the fourth liners. Granted, neither of these clowns have played a shift in the NHL, so how could they possibly understand why the fight is going on? Though, then again, I DO know why the fight is going on and I can't even skate that well, let alone play a shift in the National Hockey League. Rechlicz is a 22 year old kid looking for his place in the NHL. He has less than thirty career games played in the NHL and is looking for his niche. You don't think, just maybe, with budding superstar John Tavares, and other young stars Matt Moulson and Kyle Okposo that MAYBE, just MAYBE the Islanders are looking for someone to protect them from stuff like this?

No, not at all, couldn't be. Scott Gordon couldn't possibly want something like that on his mind all summer when he wonders who is going to protect his superstar talent. What a bunch of fucking jokes. Like a preseason game, Rechlicz makes people take notice him by fighting not one but TWO heavyweight enforcers in the same game. Gordon will remember Rechlicz fighting for the entire offseason. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw him again.

But, that's all irrelevant now. With the playoffs coming around the corner, it seems Eric Godard will be walking into the sunset unless something heinous happens that requires the Hand of Godard to come down. Otherwise, Eric Godard will be walking into the postseason sunset, and he'll be doing it in fucking style.

And the Mists Cleared to Show Legends

2010-04-10T18:00:00.004-04:00

Readers, I won't lie: I'm a bit of a fantasy nut. Badass knights, damsels in distress, wizard on the top of a mountain with lightning pumping out of his hands? Yeah, that stuff is awesome. That is what the closing ceremony was like for me; it was like T.A. Barron, J.R.R. Tolkien, or George R. R. Martin (what's with Fantasy authors and initials?), were writing about hockey. The legends of old were coming to the House that Lemieux built, clad in their House's colors, with the Penguin crest emblazoned on their chests. It. Was. Epic.

Personally, I expected to be disappointed from a standpoint of my true love in hockey: goons and pests. I was pleasantly surprised many times over by the number of old warriors that were brought out by the Penguin brass on the final regular season show to grace the Igloo. In one fell swoop, I was blown off my feet as Mark Kachowski, Jay Caufield, and Francois fucking Leroux trotted out onto that big carpet. I would be remiss to not give them all some love:

Both Kachowski and Caufield are involved in this video, but I have to give Caulfield a little more so I'll focus on Kachowski. Kachowski is the very definition of what it means to be a WHL player. Everyone talks about how players who come from the Western Hockey League are tough sons of bitches, and they are absolutely right. At 5'11" Kachowski isn't exactly one of the guys you'd expect to see being a goon in the NHL when today you see goons like Eric Godard or Jody Shelley who are towering behemoths, but Kachowski still did his job. 64 games played in the NHL over 3 seasons. 209 PIMs. Ri-fucking-diculous. Kachowski was Matt Barnaby or Tie Domi before Matt Barnaby or Tie Domi, a shorter guy that would still go toe to toe with absolutely anyone. Those are my favorite kind of players. With only 11 career points it's quite obvious Kachowski didn't have the talent to make it at the NHL. He found a niche for a while though with his heart and passion for the game. He knew how to stir the pot, he knew how to send messages, he never backed down. The Caps may have been giving the Penguins a beating there, but this was just one year before the beginning of the playoff dominance that the Penguins have over the Capitals began. I like to think Kachowski had a hand in that.

What is there to say about Jay Caulfield? At 6'4" he is what you think of when you think about a goon. When you consider that in that video, (and I apologize for the audio), Caufield is throwing with Bob Probert, considered the greatest fighter in NHL history, you have to merely stand in awe. It comes as no surprise to me that a lot of the slashing, whacking, and grabbing that was one of the reasons Mario Lemieux walked away from the game, started heavily after Jay Caufield was no longer in the Penguin lineup. You have to protect your superstars, and with a fight card that includes Joey Kocur, Tony Twist, Dale Hunter, and the previously mentioned Bob Probert, it's obvious Caufield did his job for Lemieux well just like Eric Godard and Mike Rupp do for Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin. Caufield has gone on to remain a stoic no nonsense badass for the Penguins on the FSN Postgame shows, offering black and white opinion on how the boys are playing.

Francois Leroux is an enigma. Here he plays stout defense and gives Pat Lafontaine the Scott Stevens treatment with a devastating shoulder check that could've been avoided if Lafontaine wasn't staring at the ice. Leroux immediately answers for his action by beating the snot out of Rob Ray, of ESPN commercial fame. Following The Code, good stuff right there, other than Lafontaine getting hurt, of course.

Classic.

By the same token Leroux pulled crap like this. Wearing something on your fist when you're going to fight? Everyone in the NHL knows you're not supposed to to even ask to fight someone when their hand is messed up. Beyond that, you're allowed to turn down the fight for another time without losing any respect. Leroux fights with a bust hand and breaks Twist open with it. On top of that, Leroux slew foots Twist in attempt to bring him to the ice. I'd be pissed as Twist, too.

Of course, there was some guy named Gary Roberts in the building as well.

Allow me to bask in the glory for a moment: Gary! Gary! Gary! What an absolute legend. What he did for the young Penguin team when he came to Pittsburgh from Florida cannot be sold short. Without him I'm not sure that the Penguins would have gone as far as they did as quick as they did. He was a true veteran presence, not the babies Ziggy Palffy, Mark Recchi, and John Leclair were. He KNEW why he was there. He brought grit, toughness, and above all else, this:

[PPG]

Pure. Badass.

However, the King still walked in last:

One day, when I'm an old joke, and the Penguins are getting their third arena, I hope to see the likes of Mike Rupp, Eric Godard, and Georges Laraque walking on the red carpet in the CEC along with the obvious Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Sergei Gonchar. Of course, I hope they don't show Rupp's fight from the last Regular Season game at the Mellon.

Yeah...um....well...at least Gillies has a sweet mustache? Thankfully though, the collective goon badassery that was already brewed in that building that night was all the Penguins needed.

Get Off My Lawn

2010-04-06T15:28:00.004-04:00

Bill Guerin is taking tGB by force. In a game without Mike Rupp and Eric Godard I was a little bit worried. The Atlanta Thrashers were a team on the bubble, fighting for the playoff lives. Who's to say an extra shot after the whistle isn't needed? A little slash? It's nothing that big, right? Besides, it's not like Rupp or Godard are in the lineup to punish people who would do anything to the Atlanta pl-OH MY GOD BILL GUERIN!

The old man is tearing it up right now for the Penguins. Messing with the Old Man's teammates?

You better believe that's a paddlin'.

When we can get this kind of protection for the Penguins when our biggest heavyweights are out of the lineup it really makes me happy. Honestly, Jim Slater kind of pushes Alexei Ponikarovsky...sorta? A little push with his elbow. Maybe he doesn't even do it but regardless Bill Guerin takes offense to Slater being in Ponikarovsky business and shows him what happens when you do that. This is what needs to happen with the Penguins going forward. Ponikarovsky hasn't been with this team long and yet players are stepping up to his defense over the smallest of infractions. That's team chemistry.

Going forward towards the playoffs, that chemistry is going to be important. Eric Godard didn't play one game for the Penguins during their run to the Stanley Cup Championship last season. That requires other people to step up and fight whether it be the likes of Ryan Whitney beaten the piss out of Wade Redden, Tyler Kenndey throwing down with Scottie Upshall, or Max Talbot throwing himself on the sword against Dan Carcillo and his scumustache. Eric Godard and, perhaps, not even Mike Rupp (if this game was any indication) are going to play as much as they did during the regular season during the playoffs. Someone's gotta step up. Bill Guerin is, are you?

Bill Guerin wasn't even finished protecting the Slavs in this game, however. In a scrum that seemed to start out of thin air, Bil Guerin was in the middle of it, leading Chris Chelios away from Evgeni Malkin. I have no idea how this started. Most likely Malkin was pushing and shoving, much to the surprise of North American players. Evgeni Malkin isn't afraid to get his hands dirty sometimes.

[AP]

How fucking old is Chelios anyway? The guy made a fucking cameo in Mighty Ducks 2 for crying out loud. Mighty Ducks 2 came out in 1994 when Chelios was THIRTY-TWO. Ri-fucking-diculous. Personally, though, I just hope Evgeni Malkin was pulling a Crank 2 as he was getting pulled away from Chelios:

Delicious. Fuck you Chelios.

How Does This Keep Happening?

2010-04-02T15:18:00.007-04:00

Greetings, readers, it's been a while hasn't it? I'm sure you're wondering why I chose not to write about the Grand Revenge Extravaganza (GRE) that took place in Boston upon Matt Cooke's person. Well, if Boston didn't care to show up for the GRE, I don't know why I should either. EVERYONE shot their mouth off about this hit, including players that weren't even on either team! Yet, Boston did nothing beyond trotting out their big time goon and having Cooke fight him. Good on Cooke for stepping up and taking his medicine. Otherwise? Nothing. What? You were afraid to take some extra penalties Boston? Wanted to stay in the game? Judging by what you did on the scoreboard, you cared about as much as that as you did about extracting vengeance from Cooke. Shit, I don't even think Eric Godard and Mike Rupp are THAT intimidating. So, if Boston didn't care? Why the fuck should I?

Moving right along, it's been some slow going for tGB and I've been parched. No throw down against the FLYERS? You're killing me boys, KILLING me. Thankfully, our apparent new big time goon rival, the Tampa Bay Lightning were very happy to get my blood boiling. It started early in the game with an absolutely indefensible hit on Ruslan Fedotenko by Matt Lashoff.

Absolutely disgusting. Lashoff is a guy up from Tampa's AHL affiliate trying to make a name for himself. Well, guess what Matt? You did, you're that guy that threw one of the most obvious boarding calls of the season in a year FULL of reprehensible hits. Tampa Bay is a joke, period. It's a damn shame that this season you seem to be seeing more pictures like this instead of ones of guys celebrating a great goal or a clean, hard, check:

[AP]

Terrible.

Toronto Maple Leaf GM Brian Burke had an interesting point about how to cut back on these kind of hits. A sort of bear hug would be allowed by the defenseman, momentarily, in order to pin the player with the puck against the boards. Personally, I like the idea. Obviously if you're doing anything other then driving the player into the boards to pin him I think a holding penalty would be called; however, I otherwise think this would be a very good rule. This, combined with whatever headshot legislation is going to come during the off season, would be some very good additions to the NHL Rulebook.

Vincent Lecavalier wants to talk about how Matt Cooke has no respect for the game or players playing it. This may be true, but Lecavalier has NO place to talk because of his teammates. Even members of the Penguins uttered disagreement with what Cooke did to Marc Savard. Was there a PEEP about Downie's shot on Crosby? No. Lecavalier is also a bit of a cheap shot artist himself, go fucking figure:

So, what's that make you, Vinny?

Precisely.

You're an absolute clown if you're going to go around looking down on players for not respecting the game when you do it yourself. Hell, Vinny, judging by your dwindling stats, you're using the stick as much to try to injure someone as you are to put the puck in the net, joke.

Unfortunately, my hatred for the Tampa Bay Lightning and their overrated captain wasn't enough to sustain the Penguins and get them a win...or even a goal for that matter. Not even Bill Guerin putting on his dancing shoes for the first time in almost two months doesn't get the Penguins bench going:

Dude goes up against the guy leading the league in fights and the Penguins can't even take notice. Total insanity. It's good to see this from Bill Guerin though, he hasn't been scoring at a regular pace lately, but he's still working hard and getting his nose dirty. Some want to say Bill Guerin has gone the way of Zigmund Palffy, John LeClair, and Mark Recchi. I remain unconvinced. Also, Mark Recchi sucks.

Apologies for the late posting, I know at least a few read this so I do have at least a bit of a commitment. Guess it sucks I can't just say "No one cares," anymore. Barf. Anyway, trying to catch back up and get into playoff mode.

Christmas is Canceled

2010-03-19T12:58:00.005-04:00

Surprising though it may be, I went to college and actually accomplished getting one of those fancy degrees in History. Even more surprising was that I was allowed to write about hockey for my big thesis in order to graduate. The red and green Christmas jerseys of the New Jersey Devils brought back all those memories from my research and writing. So, all I could think about for most of this game was Alexei Kasatonov, Slava Fetisov, and perhaps the greatest Sports Illustrated cover of all time:

[SI]

It's so deliciously early nineties. Vests, denim jackets, Hard Rock Cafe t-shirts, so fucking awesome. And, in all truth, these two might have been playing with how badly the Penguins were playing offensively:

What a pair. A better defense pair you will be hard pressed to find, arguably the best pair to ever play the game. It's too bad Kasatonov was a stooge of the hockey system in the Soviet Union and he and Fetisov had a falling out because of it.

Wait, what? Oh, the game is already over. This is how bad the Penguins played in this game, waxing nostalgic for a few moments caused you to miss the entire game to be missed with Marc-Andre Fleury being hung out to dry time and time again. But, as per usual, you can read about the particulars on many another blog.

This game, surprisingly, didn't have the venom that the game before had. Considering it was a very short time after the previous game that was full of shenanigans, it comes as an even bigger surprise. Up until Rod Pelley boarding Alex Goligoski, there had been only 3 minor penalties.

Good on Kris Letang coming to the defense of his teammate right there. Pelley's a little bit lucky Mike Rupp wasn't the first one to arrive on scene, but still, you like to see your guys sticking up for eachother. People don't forget.

Here was a chance to get back into the game for the Penguins. Three minutes to score as often as we want. Alas, the board and the following fight didn't wake anybody up on the Penguins and the Devils defense continued to play like a bunch of Fetisovs and Kasatonovs.

0-6. Something to remember should we run into New Jersey down the road. Remember how much that record pisses you off.

Hypocrisy Thy Name is NHL

2010-03-18T11:03:00.005-04:00

Are you serious? Honestly, tell me you're joking. Barely a mention outside the Penguins world for what Steve Downie did to Sidney Crosby? This is in-fucking-defensible. Everywhere people want to make the point that when someone gets injured the NHL is more likely to suspend someone and talk about it more often. People complain that players get fined and suspended for "the result, rather than the action." It's totally true.

So, on a day when Alex Ovechkin absolutely annihilates a player with a terrible board, (or "little push from the side," if you're a fucking douche bag). Downie does this to Crosby:

Downie literally drives his knee into the back of Crosby's and then takes him to the ice. He almost looks as though he climbs up onto Crosby in order to deliver the blow. He thought about this hit, period. Bob Errey already delivers some choice wrestling lingo on the matter, so I won't cheapen it adding my own. Yes, Brian Campbell, with his broken bones and concussion, is a much better story of dirty hits because he got injured in the process. What would have happened if Crosby's knee had been blown out? Seriously, what the fuck? If THIS isn't intent to injure I'm unsure what is:

[Screencap thiefed from tPB]

Downie doesn't even get a penalty for this. He does get a penalty for roughing with Tyler Kennedy after the fact, but nothing for his insane cheap on Crosby.

I can't believe there was so little response for this hit on Crosby. This is probably why I'm not an enforcer in the NHL. Reason being that if I were on the ice when Marc-Andre Fleury started slapping his stick on the ice to signal Downie coming out of the box, I would be standing right in front of the door, gloves already off. But, hey, that's just me.

I guess I can imagine why there was no big time response by the Penguins, though. It was a close game, Downie probably would've have not excepted the fight, forcing someone like Mike Rupp or Craig Adams to take an extra two minute penalty. With the Penguins PK playing like it is, though? I'd take the risk. Of course, Downie not fighting didn't stop everything. After doing something like that, you should really never be behind the play...

[Getty Images]

Oh, Letang, every time you start to annoy me with your play you do something like this to bring yourself back into my good graces. Good on you Letang. Thankfully, the Penguins play Tampa Bay one more time, this time in Pittsburgh. You can expect many Penguin fans to be licking their chops for retribution against Downie like people in Boston are licking their chops for Matt Cooke. If Downie thinks the 1,000 dollar JOKE of a fine the NHL gave him was enough to satiate the Penguins thirst for vengeance, you'd be wrong. At least, I hope you'd be wrong. With Godard now cleared to play, people need to start answering for crimes against the Penguins.

Overall, this game had a nasty feel to it, as well. Though, when a team is coached by Rick Tocchet, though, this is something you have to expect. The heralded rookie Victor Hedman even got involved a few times. First, Hedman got involved with Evgeni Malkin and nothing really happens: sticks come up, pushing, shoving, all the things you'd expect cause I sure as fuck don't want Malkin throwing punches. Imagine if what happened to Ruslan Fedotenko last season when he fought Colby Armstrong happened to Malkin? Terrible thought. Hedman later involves himself again and this time Fedotenko obliges him with a fight after some stick fighting and pushing and shoving.

Here is where a clown like Don Cherry talks about "some Europeans" fighting but this is a solid scrap. I don't think Fedotenko expected a fight to happen, but he quickly took control of the much bigger Hedman and took him to the ice quickly. It doesn't hurt that the entire Penguins team was going to the net hard in that game, that's what I like to see:

[AP]

Go to the net, good stuff happens.

And Suddenly the Devils Were a Rival

2010-03-17T12:53:00.003-04:00

I get bored watching games against New Jersey. I can't really fault them because it leads them to three Stanley Cup titles and always being in playoff contention, but their style of hockey has always bored me to death. Defensive hockey has always seemed against the spirit of the game to me; to me it's always been about attacking and fighting for the ice whether then sitting back and waiting (hoping) for the other team to make a mistake for you to take advantage of.

This game was not like those games. Sure there were about as many goals as a typical game against the Devils, but there were way more scoring chances and a lot more going on. Above all else, surprisingly, was that people were getting in each other's face and getting pissed off at one another. This is something you expect against the Flyers, Capitals, hell even the Rangers, but the Devils you rarely see this kind of game from them. It was certainly a treat to watch.

First and foremost: Craig Adams got fucking ROBBED. In a game full of emotion, Adams goes in hard on a forecheck and delivers are hard hit to Martin Skoula. Adams gets thrown out of the game and given a five minute major for charging ontop of that. What!? Are you serious!? The refs couldn't be serious because they didn't even know what was going on. From Kevin Gorman's report in the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review:

"The first linesman told me it was icing, which it wasn't," Adams said. "The second linesman told me it was a high-sticking call, which if you watch the replay, I'm about 10 or 15 feet past the linesman before he makes the signal that it's a high stick, so I have no way of knowing it's a high stick.

"As far as I was concerned, it was just a regular forecheck. Somebody told me I jumped and left my feet, which you clearly see that I didn't. So I'm baffled. People can decide for themselves."

OK, I get it, he hit him after the whistle, that's fine, give him two minutes in the box for roughing or charging, that's how it goes. What seems to be the case here is the refs reacting to Adams hitting Skoula on an icing call, which clearly it wasn't. If that WERE the case, then the punishment would fit the crime but it isn't, so I'm so thoroughly confused I feel like the dude in Scanners. I'm sure Adams' mine was similarly blown. So, no Fuck Yeah! Craig Adams! for the rest of the game? You're killing me Smalls.

This started it all off for the Penguins and the Devils and all sorts of insane stuff happened. Mike Rupp slashing the crap out of Martin Brodeur after a whistle, Evgeni Malkin stick fighting with the not as good Niedermayer, and Ruslan Fedotenko of all people riding to the aid and getting his own misconduct, this one only for 10 minutes, though.

The not as good Niedermayer, Rob, seemed to be at the center of the action for an extended period after that. It finally came to an end with him messing with Matt Cooke at the end of the second period, resulting in a fight at the beginning of the third, first, what happened:

And the resulting fight at the beginning of the third:

It must really suck for Cooke haters that he does answer the bell and fight when he needs to. Few remember that Matt Cooke fought Steve Moore in response to Moore's hit on Markus Naslund, which should have put an end to the whole ordeal, before Todd Bertuzzi famously gave the NHL one of its biggest black eyes. Few remember that Matt Cooke fought Ryan Callahan in response to his hit on Artem Anisimov. Few will remember that Matt Cooke will fight someone on the Boston Bruins for his hit on Marc Savard. People only want to remember the hits. That's what makes Cooke different from...oh why not he's in the news now anyway, Alex Ovechkin. Ovechkin hits but doesn't answer. Cooke answers, for himself and for others.

However, this wasn't the most insane thing to happen in the game. I've seen a lot of crazy crap when it comes to aggression in hockey, but rarely do you see something as insane as what happened six minutes into the third period:

[AP Photo]

Ridiculous. What's even more ridiculous is Devil fans acting like Kunitz did some heinously dirty play. Chris Kunitz and Ilya Kovalchuk bump, Kovalchuk brings his elbows up, Kunitz gives him a little smack on the shin guards, whatever, it happens constantly. Yet, Jamie Langenbrunner literally tackles Kunitz into the Penguins bench to respond to a very average offense. I'll chalk it up to the game being heated, a playoff style game, and there already being a lot of crap in that game...but, really Langenbrunner?

Well, I suppose at the very least now I have a real reason to dislike the Devils instead of making stretch reasons like they're boring or their hall of fame goalie is a terrible human being who cheats on his wife. No, wait, that second one is a good reason too.

Matt Cooke Is An Asshole. What? Like you didn't know?

2010-03-14T11:41:00.003-04:00

Before I begin this long diatribe, I want everyone to know this: I do not agree with the hit Matt Cooke laid on Marc Savard. I thought it was unneeded and dirty. However, dirty hits don't mean they are illegal, nor do they mean that they are worth suspension.

I waited so long for this because I wanted to get all the feedback from around the hockey world, especially from Don Cherry at Coach's Corner. You ask me, people are calling for Cooke's head because A) He is, in fact, Matt Cooke and B) Savard got injured.

We'll start with the hit, I suppose:

This hit is without question heinous. It's taking advantage of a guy in an awkward position delivering a dirty hit. Again, though, that does not make it illegal. It's dirty to throw an extra punch at a guy when you go to the ice when you're fighting. Illegal? Nope, you won't get an extra penalty. Is it dirty to punch a guy with his jersey pulled over his face? Yes. Illegal? No extra two there.

So, it's a dirty hit and Savard got hurt. That's why you're angry about this. You're also angry because Matt Cooke has a history with this and at times, yes they have been illegal. Cooke's hit on Artem Anisimov earlier in the season was a ridiculous, illegal, dirty hit.

Clear as day you can see not only Cooke's elbow come up, but he jumps in order to connect with Anisimov as he skates by. It is a completely different hit. Cooke was also suspended last year for a hit on Scott Walker. I can't find a Youtube of the shot but that one I don't agree with. It's all shoulder, if still a head shot. Under the current rules of the NHL, there is nothing banning head shots. Sorry but you cannot punish someone for playing within the rules of the game.

Speaking of those rules, Don Cherry and Ron MacLean, on Coach's Corner last night, discussed how the NHLPA, GMs, and rules committee need to expediently get head shots outlawed in the NHL. They are absolutely right, but right now, that isn't a clear cut penalty. Sure, sometimes you get it called as a rough, but not always.

So, now we begin with the reaction to this hit. Unsurprisingly, it's all bad. We'll start with the King of Hockey Blogdom in Mr. Greg Wyshynski. Over at Puck Daddy, basically the most solid hockey blog around, Cooke is flat out called every bad word a hockey player can be called. Alright, I can buy that. Let's be absolutely honest here for a second. If Cooke were still on the Capitals, or with the Canucks even, and he delivered that kind of hit to Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin? I'd want his head. However, I find myself thinking that I'd be upset with Crosby or Malkin as well. Consider Evgeni Malkin getting absolutely annihilated by Brendan Witt during his rookie season:

Do I want Witt's head? You bet your ass. Am I pissed Malkin put himself in a precarious position? You bet your ass.

Now I know that sounds like the totally dinosaur logic of "keep your head up," or "that's hockey," and you're absolutely right. But I, apparently, am not alone in this. Let's go back to Don Cherry a few months ago when talking about headshots during the October 31st, 2009 Coach's Corner, specifically, Andrew Ladd lighting Matt D'Agoistini up like a fucking Christmas tree.

Here's what Cherry says about the hit:

"Now everybody says this is a bad one. He's not running. His shoulder is down. He's just waiting for him. Somebody on the bench should've been hollering! Somebody should've been hollering!"

And what he says about head shots in the NHL after Ron MacLean asks:

"Look, this is the deal. That was a viscous hit, there is no doubt about it, but it's hockey. Skates were down, he was waiting for him, he hit him with the shoulder, there was no problem at all. If you want to change the rule, keep your head up, the whole deal, that's all I got to say. I don't know what they're going to do, because if you want to take hitting out of the game, OK! But don't say that was a bad hit. Viscous? Yes."

Yet, here is Cherry on Cooke this past Saturday.

This is all fire and brimstone. The best part, though, is Cherry talking about Crosby talking to Patrice Bergeron. Cherry talks about the look of Crosby like Bergeron is telling him, "We're coming for you," or some such thing. Right, it couldn't possibly be everyone on the ice being scared that Savard is hurt or anything like that, could it? And of course Bergeron, who is good friends with Crosby, is saying things like that to him. You're a loon, Grapes. Beyond that? If they want a bloodbath in Boston next week Coach Bylsma can load up with Eric Godard and Mike Rupp to patrol the ice. Cooke will answer the bell and follows The Code, if bending it a little. He went after Steve Moore in response to the hit on Markus Naslund prior to Todd Bertuzzi going fucking insane, he fought Ryan Callahan to answer for his hit on Artem Anisimov, and he will fight someone on Boston next time they play.

Interesting to consider that this makes it to Coach's Corner, but on October 24th and 31st there is nothing about head shots. What happened then...?

Oh, right. Back to Wyshynski for a second here: Puck Daddy maintains these hits are different. I suppose that's true, since Mike Richards isn't skating by like he says but diving into David Booth. Both hits are from the blindside with Booth looking towards Steven Weiss where he passed the puck. They are the same style of hit at the very least and have the same result. Richards going through Booth in addition to hitting him in the head is irrelevant.

Cherry doesn't discuss this hit on Coach's Corner on Oct. 24th or Oct. 31st when it would be pertinent to do so.

Furthermore, when it's coming back the other way, nothing happens once again. December 5th Duncan Keith of the Chicago Blackhawks absolutely crushed Matt Cooke with a blow to the head. Not only was it a blow to the head, but Cooke didn't have the puck. Keith skates in from the blueline to deliver this hit and does the "skate by" hit that is so looked down upon when Cooke does it:

Keith gets a penalty for this, but it's for interference, not for roughing. Keith gets no suspension and no vast media attention for the blow.

Clearly, without question, this is the double standard in the NHL. Pests and goons get hung out to dry for these kind of things but when a "regular" player does it, not so bad.

Though, really, I guess "Somebody should've been hollering," to Booth, Cooke, and Savard. I mean, that's just hockey, right? Maybe if Richards or Keith were European that would've tipped the scales into the favor of Cherry saying something about it.

Make no mistake about this, head shots need to be cut down in the NHL. Often times they result in injury and all the time they result in fans and media getting upset to varying degrees (you know, when someone they don't like vs. someone they like does it). It requires clear cut penalties and I personally am all for borrowing from the NFL in this case. A couple of years ago the NFL put in place the helmet to helmet penalty to cut down on head injures. You cannot lead with the crown of your helmet to deliver a blow to another helmet. It's a personal foul, 15 yards, the biggest penalty in football. The NHL needs to be the same way. 5 minute majors for blows to the head whether they be straight up like Ladd's forearm to D'Agoistini or from the side like Richards on Booth, Keith on Cooke, or Cooke on Savard. Clean up the game.

A Statistically Sound Risk

2010-03-09T13:11:00.004-05:00

When someone fights for the Pittsburgh Penguins, unless it's an obvious end of the game fight to send a message for the next game the two teams play, I feel like the Penguins are going to win the game. This is doubly so when Fuck Yeah, Craig Adams! gets in a fight because Adams seems to know exactly when to fight and when to just deliver a hard check or dig his nose in on the forecheck.

Of course, I didn't really have any statistics to back up such a claim...that is until the other day when my man Billy, (AKA The Blueline Bandit over at Back to the Point), delivered this clutch statistic:

Great fact of the day: the Pens are 6-0-1 when Adams fights and 7-1 when Rupp fights.

Unreal. I defy you to tell me that there isn't a place for fighting in hockey after checking out that stat. There is no possible way that a combined 13-1-1, when one of the two fights, is a mere coincidence. Oh, and just look what happened during the game against Dallas.

[Getty Images]

For a moment, let's just enjoy the photo here because it's a pretty awesome shot. It's like a goalie cam fight. I'm always about fancy angles on fights or seeing a solid photograph of a fight. Usually it's the same old same old, dudes grappling with the same angle. This is hip and fresh from Getty Images. Plus, Getty Images always reminds me of Geddy Lee. I love Rush.

Sweet rock and roll aside, I like this scrap for another reason: it proves that refs play favorites, and I am totally OK with that. Steve Ott is a giant asshole, one of the premier pests of the league, doing everything in the book: dirty hits, backing down from fights to draw a penalty, chirping, all the stuff you expect. What is confusing is how Craig Adams doesn't get an extra two for this fight. I'll show the Pittsburgh feed first.

Cross check right to the throat when Steve Ott skates by and Adams gets nothing but the fighting major. You don't think that has anything to do with how the refs see Ott? It has plenty to do with that. If refs can get away with it, that is, it's not expected so they can play surprised, they might not get an extra penalty because of the players involved.

It's pretty easy to see this fight was going to happen. You can see in the Pittsburgh feed above how Adams delivers a big time blow to Ott just before the play was whistled down. Ott most likely said something to Adams when he skated by to start the whole thing. However, this goes back even before that as the Dallas broadcast shows:

Saving Private Fleury. Craigley must be reading. Aww yeah. This is how it how it has to go for the Penguins, you get in our goalies face, there is going to be some retribution coming. Fuck yeah, Craig Adams!

If you look at the box score of the game, you can easily see why the second fight happened. Right after the Penguins go up by three, Krys Barch drops 'em with Mike Rupp. With roughly only five minutes left in the game this is, if you're a hopeful Dallas fan, an attempt to get the team going. However, my guess is that this is Barch trying to get some respect for his team after being blown out again for the third straight game.

I have a lot of respect for Krys Barch, he knows his role, protects, and honors The Code like few do anymore. You'll notice that at the end of the fight when he lands on Mike Rupp he doesn't throw an extra punch, despite all the frustration he and his team must be feeling. The greatest example, however, of the class enforcer Barch is a fight early in the season with Brad May of the Detroit Red Wings.

This is basically a "How to" video for The Code. They both know their jobs, they don't hit each other when they are down, neither is wearing a visor, (May even takes his off to have the fight), and they are laughing and joking with each other before and after the fight. This is a job folks, not a vendetta...well...usually.

We have three guys ready to do what needs to be done like Krys Barch does. Adams, Rupp, and Godard will throw down with anyone for anything in order to accomplish something for the Penguins.

And, judging by that winning percentage, I don't see why they should stop.

Haters Gonna Hate

2010-03-05T19:33:00.003-05:00

It's gotten to the point where every NHL arena is the same except for Pittsburgh's. Now, I know you're wondering how I can make such a claim and it's really quite simple: every arena in the NHL just taunts Sidney Crosby and chants, "Crosby Sucks!" Really, Blueshirt fans? You're just going to be Philadelphia and Washington fans? Come on, you're an Original Six team, aren't you guys supposed to have some sorta aura of self entitled douche baggery around yourself? You're "better" than that.

So, we just need a reason to boo Crosby. That can be anything anymore it seems. Scoring goals, skating, taking a cross check to the ribs away from the play, winning the Stanley Cup, winning the Gold Medal, sharpening his skates, drinking an Ecto Cooler juice box, really just pick your poison. I don't fucking get it. I mean, I hate other team's players, but to get THIS wrapped up in one is insanity. Especially when you consider the other superstars and stars on the Pittsburgh Penguins. In the xenophobic NHL, with stereotypes abound, stunningly no one hates Evgeni Malkin with a vehement passion. Though...I imagine some Ranger fans are hating him right now, woooo.

Anyhoo, Crosby gets cross checked by a dude with a stick and, as we all might do when suddenly hit with an object, he goes down. A STUNNING turn of events that Henrik Lundqvist and his overrated talents takes great offense to for some reason. I really think Lundqvist should have to win 40 games in a season before he's constantly talked about as one of the greatest goalies in the league. Anyway, Lundqvist never doing anything important in the NHL aside, he feels the need to go Ron Hextall on Crosby and chirp at him. I don't get this. Why? Upset you not only didn't defend your Gold Medal but basically threw up on yourself trying to defend it? Either way, Crosby ain't taking no back talk from a lesser hockey player and it's cross check city. APPARENTLY though, the cross check on the heavily padded goalie (much more heavily padded in Lundqvist's case) is reason for everyone to flip out. But, a cross check to the ribs where there is no protection, isn't? Either way, this happens:

[AP]

A "Crosby Sucks!" starts right up. Cutting edge chirping, right there. Also, as a random aside, who the fuck is Brandon Dubinsky? You know...besides some dude who has as many career goals as Crosby has THIS SEASON? Just par for the course it seems. In between actually chipping in for once, Dubinsky did have time to do this:

[AP]

What a douche. Linesman totally looks like Miro Satan, though.

It's really sad, for me anyway, that no fights came out of this. The game was ferocious none the less. Despite all these huge checks each team was delivering, only the Rangers (and MAF) seemed to be off their game as the Pens belted a franchise high shot total at Lundqvist. Good times.

I would've liked to have seen Mike Rupp lay into someone with some fists of fury for retribution on his #17 counterpart, but instead he laid into the net with a puck of fury for retribution. Goon goal; alteration never looked so good. Apparently, though, no photos exist of this photo, so instead here's when Mike Rupp went hat trick City on the Rangers and him looking into your SOUL.

[AP]

Mike Rupp: Cuddlin' but still lookin' fierce.

We did have an almost fight. And, quite honestly, it was better than any actual fight could have been. If there's anything I love more than a goon, it's a pest playing to the crowd or just being absolutely ridiculous in stirring it up. Of course, we all hate the pests sometimes, myself including having probably even bitched about Sean Avery himself in a previous post. Sometimes, though, it's just too damn funny. Esa Tikkanen literally kissing a dude comes to mind, or Jarkko Ruutu's infamous trip of Dion Phaneuf....ah what the Hell:

Fucking. Classic.

Avery is no stranger to shenanigans, both given and received. We all remember Ruutu stealing his stick or Avery getting so far into Martin Brodeur's head that they made a new NHL rule and Brodeur wouldn't even shake his hand at the conclusion of the series. That's a fucking pest. Last night, Avery struck again taunting Mad Max Talbot. Words cannot describe the comedy that ensued:

Now, Talbot, you're great and all, but what Avery does is absolutely spot on and fucking hysterical. Maybe next time don't paw at him like your some sort of jungle cat. You've fought people before...or, at least tried to. Act like it. And don't even pretend like you wouldn't laugh if Matt Cooke did this, fellow Penguin fans. This might be the funniest thing I've seen since Ruutu tripped Phaneuf all those years ago.

Crosby and Avery, so hated by the rest of the league, but both of 'em could give a shit. If Ovechkin wins a Cup eventually? Well, he'd just be getting Crosby's sloppy seconds.

Thanks, Avery.

Come Out Swinging

2010-03-03T14:00:00.006-05:00

It's been an empty well for upwards of a month, boys and girls with no fights and only scrums to whet my appetite. Thankfully, we're back in the business of the NHL, where dropping the mitts is not only allowed, but, if you ask me, encouraged. So, it's the first game back, what should we do? The Offspring, if you would be so kind:

And boy did the boys did do just that. Personally, I thought they Crosby shoulda came out swinging at the jokes at the Igloo who booed him during the pregame Olympic Introductions:

[Reuters]

Cappy is not amused. It really showed on the ice I think, dude was getting in people's faces and I'm pretty sure this happened on the very first shift of the game:

[AP]

Cappy Smash! Really, I think this is my favorite thing about Sid Crosby. He's a total dick on the ice and judging by what happened later in the game, I'd go so far as to call him a Superstar Pest. There's no photographic evidence of it, so you'll just have to dig on this sweet exposition: Craig Rivet and Crosby started some business in the corner and the whistle blew. Crosby, like a straight pimp, whacks Rivet's stick as he skates by, most likely combining that with some sort of combination of the words: mother, fucked, backseat, Volkswagen, and moves off to the bench. Rivet, in a fit of rage tries to get out Bing only to have Chris Kunitz and Bill Guerin get right in his face ready to fight him. Fucking classic, I personally was laughing my ass off. Crosby pulling an Esa Tikkanen there, genius.

There were, however, moments that you remember from this game. Mike Rupp is leading the charge as the team's enforcer with my main man, Eric Godard, still getting his groin nursed back to health with the finest of massages and grapes fed by awesome servant girls. Because...you know...Godard is some sort of badass Roman Gladiator...I mean, I'd put my money on him over Russel Crowe.

Anyway, where was I? Right, Mike Rupp. Mike Rupp hasn't been burying it like he's Pavel Bure like he was earlier in this season, but he has still been contributing. I mean, just ask Paul Gaustad:

[Reuters]

At the end of this fight, Gaustad comes out with his hand hurting, most likely from the one punch he threw or bracing himself when he fell to the ice. I feel kind of bad about that, to get such a beating and hurt your hand on top of that, certainly not a way you want to end a game, but, them's the breaks. And, after some of the hits delivered earlier in that game, Tim Kennedy's cheap shot on Max Talbot, boarding him when Talbot was on his knees, Gaustad's hit on Brooks Orpik earlier in the game, and Gaustad running the net before the fight, I'm not that broken up about it.

With Rupp dropping fists like this, it doesn't seem to matter that Godard is missing from the lineup, I hope Rupper keeps it up. If not, I'm sure Fuck yeah! Craig Adams has no problem dropping the gloves now and then. Hopefully Talbot gets in on the act as well and we can have the Shiner Line all over again. Still, I miss me some Eric Godard. With the way the wind is blowing this season, Georges Laraque basically getting benched and Donald Brashear and Riley Cote getting waived by the Flyers and the Rangers it seems men like Eric Godard are going the way of the dinosaur. Though, New York did acquire Jody Shelley basically right after they got rid of Brashear and the Flyers are still, in fact, the Flyers. Still, with the Pens up against the cap, it is something to worry about. Ray Shero, don't you do it. Honestly, I don't think he will. Godard is loved in the locker room, knows his role, never complains about ice time, does everything he needs to. Stick around, Godard, there are amazing suits to be had.

The trade deadline comes in about ten minutes and I'm pleased with the moves Shero has made already. Jordan Leopold is a scrappy, lunch pail, defenseman. Nothing much more needs to be said about him, he'll contribute but, as has been said already by tPB, "he'll be invisible, but in a good way." Alexei Ponikarovsky surprisingly has fought before (granted he got beat, but just being willing to drop the gloves is worth it) and dude is big as I don't even know. When you're only three inches shorter than Hal Gill, you're a big fucking dude. I think the Ukraine Train is going to fit in well for the Pens. He's got grit, he goes into the corners, and he goes to the net. Him on the PP is going to be sex, bank.

Welcome to the Burgh, boys:

[Reuters]

[Reuters]

Saving Private Fleury

2010-02-10T13:21:00.007-05:00

There is a growing concern for me with this Pittsburgh Penguins team, faithful...um...reader or two? Marc-Andre Fleury is under attack in the net and nothing is being down to alleviate such a situation. The past two games have been specifically bad. Montreal's first goal was the direct result of MAF getting run:

[Reuters]

You know what happened to Mathieu Darche? Nothing. Darche even knows he's done something wrong, just look at that face he's sporting: wide eyed terror, he KNOWS something should happen to him. But, no, he celebrated the goal that happened as a direct result to his actions and went to the bench for a cool drink of water. Just take a look at the box score, the only time you see Darche on is at the second start position and in the goal department for pocketing this GWG:

[Reuters]

Does it fill you with anger, readers? That Marc-Andre Fleury is clearly off his game because he is getting no protection in his crease? That people are scoring goals in the paint or while he is plastered against the wall? Where is anything?

What is so stunning about this lack of protection with Fleury, or the very most basic of protection as I'll get into, is that players are still protecting each other elsewhere on the ice. With about five minutes left in the third and the Habs leading 5-2, the game seems to be pretty much over for the Penguins. We could still hope with our offensive guns, but it was a slim hope. Anyone, Ryan White decided this game, which to that point, had only 9 penalties and mostly minor infractions such as hooking and interference, decided the game needed a black eye so he does his best Colby Armstrong (and we all know how I feel about him), impression on Evgeni Malkin. Enter Billy Guerin. Guerin, like Gary Roberts before him, is cut from different cloth than most hockey players these days. The days of rough and tumble power forwards that were embodied by the likes of Roberts, Guerin, and Owen Nolan are going the way of the dinosaur, but it's good to see the gray beard still has something in him.

Seventeen Penalty minutes and a goal, not a bad day for Billy Guerin. I'll take that all day in a game that is out of hand and made further out of hand by some joke from the AHL. That's what should have happened for most of the game. With the exception of a few players, the Canadiens were a bunch of kids up from the AHL. They should've been smacked upside the head every time a toe was out of line. Alas, they were not.

The very next day, as if by some miracle, I am handed an example of how to deal with the crap Marc-Andre Fleury is dealing with. Terrible and stunning though it is to say this, but the Washington Capitals dealt with crease traffic in a way the Penguins should be doing themselves. Early in the game, the Penguins had a chance to step up and put a stop to this once and for all with Alex Ovechkin sniffing around the Penguin goal after the whistle:

[Reuters]

Seriously Orpik, just drop 'em. Why the fuck not? Afraid of the Caps PP? I suppose this is true if you're going to take the extra two, but you'll be taking Ovechkin off for at the very least five minutes. I'd take that chance in a heartbeat. It gives Fleury some confidence, it takes away the Caps confidence of running Fleury because it shows the Pens won't take shit, and it shuts Ovechkin up after he gets a nice helping of Free Candy. I don't see the downside.

Later in the game the Caps give us an example of take care of your business in front of the net, and all I need is the picture:

[Reuters]

Getting shit done right here. You go to the front of the net. You have to pay for it. You think Theodore doesn't get more confidence seeing his defensemen knocking guys around, ESPECIALLY when they're a guy like Crosby?

I know what you're thinking though, what about penalties? Sometimes, you have to take the chance, sometimes you have to take an extra penalty in order to get your point across that you can't pull this shit with our goaltender, sometimes it's just well worth it.

BUT. Let us end on a happy note shall we? Nothing I love more than Fuck yeah! Craig Adams! Adams was making his presence known in this game, as he usually does to people who know hockey is more about goals and assists. Big checks culminating in catching Alex Ovechkin in a precarious position. Bitch all you want about a boarding call, but you'll excuse me if I don't shed a tear for a guy who is a notorious knee on knee hurting, not to mention someone who takes extra strides into a check. It's the right response by the Capitals at least. If someone hits Malkin like that, I'd want a guy like Knuble to do the exact same thing:

Fuck yeah! Craig Adams doesn't take shit like that though. It's absolutely amazing to me that Adams has been jumped a few times this season yet always seems to not only get his gloves off but get in a few shots. In this case, he WINS the fight to boot. That's why he's a big time deal, doing the Shiner Line proud.

As for people bitching that it was a dirty hit? Maybe, could be, probably. You know what though? I really don't care, so I'll direct all complaining to one of my other favorite Russians: The Heavy.

Cry some more.

Pots and Kettles / Godard's Injury

2010-01-27T09:56:00.009-05:00

We all remember the shenanigans that happened between Kris Letang and everyone's favorite asshat Scott Hartnell earlier this season. This rivalry, already amazing from my stand point, has somehow become even more bitter this season because of Hartnell's actions.

Letang got into this game too, and I was absolutely proud of him for it. Alex Goligoski has had a bit of a rough season after a hot start. He hasn't been putting the puck in the net as much as he was at the beginning of the season but he is by no means dogging it. I think that this was totally shown in the Flyers game. Goligoski goes into the corners hard and paid for it big time against Philadelphia with a devastating check on him by Darroll Powe. Kris Letang, however, immediately steps up for his defense partner, gaining a +10 to respect from this humble blogger:

Goligoski was injured on this play and missed the following night's game against New York. Letang stepping up, even in taking the extra two, is all right in my book. Sanderson, do you have a thought on this?

Well worth it.

At some points, you have to let the people know that enough is enough and Letang did a great job fighting Powe there. Obviously, as a Penguin fan, I revel in beating the Flyers, especially in Philadelphia. However, with a crowd that thirsts for blood like the Roman Colosseum, I also take GREAT pleasure in watching a Flyer lose a fight on his home ice. As tPB points out so well, Flyer fans would rather see a fight then a win. In this case, they saw their fight, but it was a loss. Not much was heard from him the rest of the game, save for the usual scrumming which we always see in a Pens/Flyers throw down.

[Reuters]

Fuck yeah, Craig Adams! I know this is weird, but this image and what happened after are basically why I love me some Craig Adams. Old Craigley gets flat out walloped by Mike Richards here but he keeps on ticking and gets him back later in the shift. Adams' face is always all sorts of messed up, a perfect fit for the Pens' Shiner Line with Rupp and Godard, but he never backs down from anything or anyone. I've said it many times, but I'll say it again, huge steal on the waiver wire by King Shero.

[Getty Images]

It was great to see Evgeni Malkin playing like this. Malkin is getting hot and when he's hot he doesn't shy away from the physical activity. It was his action after an offsides call that started the latest big moment in the Penguins/Flyers rivalry:

[AP]

As the offsides whistle is blown Hartnell sets up to bump Malkin but Malkin knows it is coming. Great to see Malkin deliver the blow rather then just shrug it off or try to get out of the way. Malkin is becoming a very angry man. In this though, we have a wonderful case of pots and kettles. Arron Asham goes off after the game about not respecting Matt Cooke because he allegedly bit him and that he is a dirty player. Now, if all these allegations are equal and true, it certainly makes the Philadelphia locker room an interesting place to be, doesn't it? Must be hard not respecting one of the most widely known players on your team, huh Asham?

Honestly, I don't really care about either of these situations too much. Biting isn't going to be that painful, especially in the case of Asham: A) Does Matt Cooke even have teeth? And B) As you can see from this video, Asham doesn't even seem to lose his gloves to get bitten:

GhostWalker40 is a legend. Seriously though, have you ever worn hockey gloves? They're think. Could you imagine biting a hockey glove? Are you vomiting? I am. So, really, on both ends it's just a fun thing for the fans to fight about, but on the ice? Just please, stop your crying.

Finally, a quick update on Eric Godard. As I'm sure everyone saw, Godard's knee appeared to go funny on him early in the game against the Rangers the day after the Flyers game. I certainly hope it's nothing major, however according to Dave Molinari of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, the Penguins weren't saying anything about Godard's condition yesterday. Hopefully, Godard doesn't miss too much time and can continue to be available when he needs to be. I don't think we lose too much in having Rupp being our enforcer, but over an 82 game regular season, it's nice to have someone around to make things like this be answered for:

[Getty Images]

Godard's presence on the ice maybe stops that from happening. Sidney Crosby talked about how big time cheap shots such as Derian Hatcher's high stick and Jason Blake's spear came to an almost complete stop once Georges Laraque was acquired by Shero. Today, Eric Godard fulfills that role. Get well soon, #28, you let Crosby and Malkin to things without fear.

Eric Godard: Player's Player

2010-01-17T12:43:00.001-05:00

Last season, Eric Godard was awarded the Player's Player award by his teammates. You know how that goes, the guy who is in the locker room or out on the ice that is just a great guy over all: everyone likes him, he doesn't cause trouble, all that stuff. You can see why he gets this award when he starts shenanigans like dressing up like a care bear during practice or all the visits he does to hospitals in the area. It also shines through on the ice when he is skating around doing his job. He doesn't complain, ever, when he sits. Usually, when he's in the press box, or even when he's not, he's too busy busting out unreal suits to be worrying about scoring goals:

When you're dressed like that, everything else falls into place.

Godard on the ice is still something to be counted on. I still believe that people don't fully understand what it's like to have an enforcer in the lineup. Just the simple FACT that Godard and Mike Rupp are sitting on the bench chewing out anyone that looks at Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin funny makes the team better. That presence gives players more confidence to go out and do stuff that they might not normally do, battle in a corner with a goon or go to the net hard against a bigger defenseman, because they know that if the goon tries anything, he is going to have to answer to Godard or Rupp the next time 28 or 17 is on the ice with them.

This happened last night. Alexander Pechursky, as anyone who is a real fan and kept watching the game saw, was awesome in relief of John Curry. The baby Russian was fantastic in his play, challenging the guy with the puck, eating up pucks so there weren't no rebounds, all that good stuff. Pechursky also got his true NHL welcome from Darcy Hordichuk.

It's not unlikely that Pechursky hadn't gotten a taste of this style of play. Pechursky comes from the Tri-City Americans of the Western Hockey League. ANY time the WHL is mentioned it seems to includes the words "tough," or "rough," or "hard hitting." Pechursky has most likely dodged his fair share of shenanigans playing for the Americans already, such as this:

[Photo courtesy of John Allen, WHL's website]

Mad hops, yo. But, Pechursky got a different kind of physicality when Darcy Hordichuk decided there wasn't enough bullshit going on in a game that was already decided. Nothing was happening in this game. Godard had gave Hordichuk a little tap earlier in the game but that was a while ago at this point. There was absolutely no reason for Hordichuk to run Pechursky, who was simply playing his game and playing it well. Really, it is amazing Hordichuk did this like he did. Usually we see a guy coast a bit to bump the goalie or takes the momentum of a guy pushing him and "accidentally" bumps the goalie. Hordichuk however, attempts to skate around the guy holding him off who is pushing him towards the cross bar, and strides into Pechursky. Insanity.

Hordichuk, however, made the mistake of running the goalie when Eric Godard was on the ice. Godard immediately jumps to the aid of the baby Russian and loses his gloves faster than a prom date loses her dress:

[Getty Images]

Whoops. Guess you forgot about that little caveat, eh Darcy? Though, I'm such a fan of Hordichuk's reaction. He gets up swearing and acting all offended. I mean, I understand you don't stand up for your goalie Hordichuk (See: Byfuglien in the playoffs against Vancouver), but in Pittsburgh even our baby Russians get our full defense. You're not going to get away with it. And, at the end of the day?

[Reuters]

It still feels like a win because of the baby Russian doing so well. Hope to see you again Pechursky.

An Oasis of Fists

2010-01-14T16:51:00.006-05:00

You know, my dear readership, (which is most likely down considerably from the zero readers I had after almost a month without fights), it is good to be back. With a few losing streaks, a few bad games, a shitty power play, and a bunch of cry baby bandwagon fans over the past month, the lack of fights for the Penguins has made hockey almost unbearable. Thankfully, last night, we finally got back into the saddle, (oh yeah, I did it.)

Eric Godard stepped in and finally did what I've been waiting for: played a complete game on the fourth line. I've mentioned it before but I'll say it again; Godard, while a great fighter, isn't exactly that great at anything else whether it be shooting, or passing, or hitting, or even skating. Last night, Godard was at least doing the hitting part. Both fourth lines, in fact, were getting their noses dirty and getting some good chances. After Godard went to the box for slashing at Dion Phaneuf, I knew he was in the game. Perhaps it was playing in front of his old crowd that got him going, but something kept Godard's legs churning and he was delivering actual checks instead of just minor bumps.

Once a year this seems to happen, last year it was when Godard thumped Dustin Byfuglien (a name I refuse to pronounce anyway except phonetically), when the Penguins played Chicago. Everyone knows about Byfuglien, a poor man's Milan Lucic. You know, a guy that plays with an edge but rarely fights for himself and when he does he's usually fighting someone smaller than him? Though, really, that's not really true with Lucic, he's had some big time fights. Hmmm, let's go poor man's Chris Neil then, eh? Sounds good.

Byfuglien is known for his shenanigans, the most recent big time example being him getting in Roberto Luongo's head, along with the rest of the Canucks', during the playoffs last season. Byfuglien never answered for it. Quite honestly I'm surprised a Canuck didn't just take an extra two to beat some sense into him. But, this is about Godard.

In that game as previously mentioned, Godard took a run at Byfuglien. Byfuglien was obviously not going to fight Godard but Godard took him off his game with a rough, despite four goals being scored by Chicago, Byfuglien didn't figure in on one, and was a minus for the game. Too busy worrying about this happening again I imagine:

[Getty Images]

Personally, I think my favorite thing about this is Godard's smug look. He knows at this point he's going to the box, but he's done good. Byfuglien was a non factor the rest of the game. Seriously, I don't even remember him playing.

So, in this game, Godard was doing much of the same, laying the body when he could. Really, this is all just a set up for me to be able to post a picture of Godard checking someone, cause it's about as rare as a photograph of Alex Ovechkin delivering a clean check:

[AP]

Love me some Eric Godard checks, especially with his hair flowing through the air like some mighty medieval champion. Sidenote: Godard would slay some dudes if he was in Gaul back in the day.

Anyhoo, Godard actually did do more than hit people in this game, he actually got in a fight! Yes, there is a Santa Claus! After almost a month without a fight, someone on the Pittsburgh Penguins finally dropped the gloves, and it was a dozy:

What a tilt. Honestly, I'm not sure if I like seeing Godard clearly win more or see a great fight between him and another heavyweight. He and Brian McGrattan have a history, fighting in the NHL and the AHL, so they know each other well. As Errey talks about after the fight, this was a discussed fight just how it should be. McGrattan wanted to get the crowd involved in a 1-0 game, as the Saddle Dome had gone quiet, so he went to Godard. Godard follows The Code, so he obliged the fight. Most any other heavyweight would do the same, and I imagine McGrattan would do the same if the roles were reversed. Part of the respect and honor in these fights.

The fight itself is a draw. Despite Godard opening McGrattan up with a little cut, both were getting in some heavy shots on each other. My favorite part about this fight is the end where they know they are done and just say a little something to each other. Judging by no extra stuff after the linesmen step in, I'll bet it was something about respect, each telling the other that they did a good job. That's what I like the most about fights in hockey, the heavyweights respect other heavyweights, they know what kind of job they do and they think highly of each other, despite trying to end each other with monstrous blows to the face.

It's good to see the Penguins fighting again, and winning too. The Penguins were 2-7-0 from the last time there was a fight to last night, wherein they got a victory. The math seems pretty simple to me: Fight more, win more.

Back After a Long Hiatus

2009-12-23T22:30:00.003-05:00

I'm willing to bet that some of you are college students. At least, I hope you are; it'd be weird if my main demographic was oldey tyme folk. Anyway, you know how it goes, you're writing a paper that's just under fifty pages, you're studying for your finals, you're trying to graduate. You get away from what you really love, hockey. Well, not all that way away as that paper was about hockey, but still. Now I'm back to my favorite thing in the world, my goons. Oh, boys, I've missed you so. I missed two games against Philadelphia, it's as depressing as it is infuriating. Really proud of how the boys stepped off and took the Flyer chuckleheads off the ice one after another and let our big time skill boys have free range. Good stuff.

But, tonight we didn't play the Flyers, we played the Sens. Over the past few years, I guess you could say there's a dislike between the Penguins and the Senators, dating back to our playoff two playoff series from a few years ago. It's also certainly no secret that I don't like Chris Neil at all, so it's always nice to see him get what's coming to him...you know, when he doesn't wuss out.

Now, now, I already know what you're gonna say readers: "But, tGB, what about Matt Cooke? Doesn't he do the same thing?" The answer is, obviously, yes. The difference, aside from Cooke have a skating Penguin on his chest, being that Neil acts like a goon and then runs away when it's time to answer for those actions; Cooke is a pest, plain and simple. Cooke, however, should still answer the call sometimes.

But, you don't really care about me pretending to explain away double standards, do you? You care about the sweet fights and shenanigans that happened during the game. Gotta say, it all started with "Fuck, Yeah!" Craig Adams crushing Daniel Alfredsson with, APPARENTLY, a dirty hit? I'm going to show you a feed that wasn't from Pittsburgh first, mostly because it fills me with mirth. Really, isn't that what the Holidays are all about? Mirth?

Major for elbowing? Dirty hit? What fucking hit are these guys watching? Are you serious? Maybe it's because they didn't have a good angle like FSNP had:

Just watch from the thirty-six second mark and you can tell Adams CLEARLY connects with Alfredsson's shoulder and takes him down. It sucks that your Captain got hurt Ottawa, but that doesn't mean it was a dirty hit. Why don't you cry about it? It's not like Adams purposefully slap shotted the puck at his head at the end of the period...

Can't say I have much pity...

I'm totally OK with the response by Ottawa. It's how things should be done, regardless of if the hit is dirty or not. You hit our star hard, hurt him, dirty or not we're going to come after you: this simply HAS to be the thought in everyone's head when you play hockey. Twice the Senators came after Adams for vengeance, but more on the second one later.

Oh, Chris Neil. It's like every time we play the Senators you give me a new reason to hate you. Neil goes off for Charging, skating in from Wexford to hit Sergei Gonchar and it's all on again. On his way to the box he smacks Malkin's hands with his stick which somehow leads to Mike Rupp getting put in the box too for Unsportsmanlike Conduct. Maybe Mike Rupp said Chris Neil's mom wasn't a classy lady or something, who knows. Rupp and Neil go to the box chirping and eventually it boiled over at the start of the third:

It's a draw. Rupp and Neil each get some shots in. Mostly I'm surprised Neil dropped them. I imagine it had to do with the score more than anything else. A close game and Chris Neil will skate away...cause, you know, Chris Neil is a big time part of Ottawa's game and he shouldn't be stewing in the box for five minutes, right? Oh, no wait, it's because he's a joke.

Less than a minute later Matt Carkner was fighting Craig Adams. Adams had to have known this was coming and answered the call as best he could. Unfortunately for Adams, he was fighting a dude much bigger than him and gave up four inches and thirty pounds. Kudos to Adams for not going turtle in this fight and at least attempting to fight back. Carkner essentially jumps him, however, and doesn't give Adams a chance in the fight, popping him a few times before Adams can even get his gloves all the way off.

[Getty Images]

Adams doesn't seem too worse for the wear though, does he? Still chirping as he's lead away from Carkner with balled fists and blood running does his nose. I love me some Craig Adams. Every game the dude is playing like this and killing it on the penalty kill. Ray Shero doesn't get enough credit for this waiver wire snag.

Finally, we come to our favorite pest wearing #24. Matt Cooke should have dropped them with Shean Donovan. Really, simply, it's part of The Code. When considering the Steve Moore incident with Todd Bertuzzi, many forget what happened first. When Steve Moore injured Markus Naslund, Cooke fought him in the next game, that's how it goes. You injure someone, you pay the price. Cooke even did this earlier in the season when he answered the bell in the Rangers game against Ryan Callahan after his hit on Artem Anisimov. Donovan wanted answers for Cooke's hit on him that took him out of the lineup, and he should've gotten as much. Skating away and drawing penalties when you do other things is one thing, but here, with a guy looking to put his injury behind him, it's not something you do. Not too happy with Cooke.

It was a great last game for the Penguins before their Holiday Break. Got in some fights and tough play against a faux rival. I'll take that any day.

The Mike Rupp Show

2009-12-05T18:46:00.005-05:00

Who was excited for a rock 'em sock 'em night against the Rangers? I certainly was. But, then, nothing happened. Eric Godard came out, tried to go with Brashear, Brashear not so politely declined by roughing up Tyler Kennedy instead. This really begs a question of Brashear: Is he afraid of Eric Godard? Two games in a row Godard has gone after him and each time Brashear has skated away from him. Perhaps he's not too fondly recalling this when he sees Eric Godard skating towards him with a challenge in his hands:

Ouch. I remember that too. You thought you had the fight won, huh Brashear? You got him good but then he came back for more. Terrifying, no? So, I mean, nothing really happened then in this game then? No fights, no goons being awesome, nothing.

Oh, wait. There's this guy that plays for the Penguins now:

[Reuters]

Mike Rupp is king of the fucking mountain right now. I had my ode to him in an earlier post but he decided that wasn't enough for him. So, instead of just a nice fight, maybe a goal, maybe some other good stuff, he goes for a hat trick. It's like Mike Rupp is serenading me every time he touches the puck right now. It's glorious.

To make matters even greater is Mike Rupp after the game is over. The man is still fuming about Sean Avery's antics from the game before. Rupp tried to get at Avery multiple times throughout the game, and then let Danny Potash and FSN Pittsburgh viewers just how he felt after the game:

"He hung low, cause he knew that we have guys that remember those things."

What else can I really say about Mike Rupp? This is a short post for a reason, Mike Rupp is basically showing time after time what I keep saying: he's been an absolutely amazing signing for the Penguins thus far this season. He can play on any line, in any situation. He can score clutch goals, he can score multiple goals, he can fight, he talks like a leader, he stands up for his team, everything. I just sound redundant saying what is so clearly out on the ice.

Keep on doing what you're doing, Rupper. Here's hoping you stay in Pittsburgh a long, long time.

Sintra Is Not Amused

2009-12-05T14:51:00.007-05:00

I hate the Rangers basically on principle. I don't hate them because they're in the our division, I hate them because of their fans and how their organization is run. Their fans have a sense of entitlement, not unlike Toronto or Montreal fans, acting like they deserve Stanley Cups despite only having one since modern hockey started. Their organization thinks they can buy Stanley Cups still. Really, I guess it's not so bad: You get to rub Ranger fans smugness in their face and their organization continues to give lucrative contracts to hockey mercenaries and building no team chemistry whatsoever.

This game was just another reason to hate the New York Rangers. Sean Avery being Sean Avery, Donald Brashear being Donald Brashear, crying like bitches instead of just taking their thumping like men, it had it all.

People want to pretend like this all started because of Matt Cooke's hit on Artem Anisimov. This is a ridiculous claim. This all started with Sean Avery going after Sidney Crosby. The puck is gone from Crosby's stick for about three seconds and Avery still tries to go in at him high. It's too damn bad that Crosby is actually aware of himself and ducks the check before Avery can get him. Cooke is responding to that, there was nothing on the ice before this...well...except the Penguins beating the Rangers senseless already at that point.

No one for the Rangers stepped up. There's no Jordan Staal to save Artem Anisimov from getting wrecked by Matt Cooke. The Rangers just let him skate slowly to the bench, clutching himself and doubled over. That team sure is going places.

Well, maybe they still are. By which, of course, I mean going to the penalty box. What is Donald Brashear thinking? Honestly. If anything is in cement in the changing roles of enforcers, it's that you cannot get the guy and be allowed to go unless you get him right after the fact. Brashear takes a terrible and stupid double minor because of it.

[Reuters]

Not only is Brashear being an idiot, but Linesman Derek Amell gets caught up in it. How Cooke is suspended two games for his hit, but Brashear isn't suspended for injuring an official is beyond me. Absolutely terrible. However, Brashear does take four minutes of penalties. How do you feel about drawing him into that, Cooke?

I thought so.

Cooke eventually paid his dues when he was ready to and wasn't being jumped. Cooke might not fight a lot, but he steps up when he has to and when the team wants to respond. Callahan challenges Cooke, they both take their lids off, and they start throwing:

[Getty Images]

It was a solid, honorable fight where everyone got out the animosity that had grown throughout the period, and the Rangers got some respect back. That SHOULD have been the end of it. Sean Avery, however, wasn't done. In between shifts that included running away Mike Rupp and Eric Godard for earlier transgressions, Avery was trying to get himself thrown out of the game so he wouldn't have to deal with it. He finally just gave up on it and pulled a Todd Bertuzzi on Ruslan Fedotenko:

Wow, what a solid player he is. This is another clear case of punishing the outcome rather than the action. Sean Avery essentially does to Fedotenko what Todd Bertuzzi does to Steve Moore, he grabs him from behind and takes a swing at him. However, Ruslan is able to stay up and come back, leaving Sean Avery's face bloody at the end of it to add insult to injury. Maybe that's why he wasn't suspended? Getting bloodied when you jump another guy from behind is embarrassing enough on its own. This picture was earlier in the game, but basically tells us all how Avery's game went:

[Getty Images]

Cry some more. Thanks for a seven minute power play.

By the way, Rangers, how did taking all those penalties work out for you?

[Reuters]

Well...shit, better luck next time.

Jordan Staal Is A Bigger Man Than You

2009-11-29T03:17:00.004-05:00

Sometimes, you just got to step up and take it. Really, I've basically forgotten about this game as I've been buried in that silly college stuff, but I certainly haven't forgotten what Jordan Staal did. Stepping up for your teammate is a big time thing to do, especially when you're not someone named Eric Godard or Mike Rupp. Jordan Staal fighting shows how close the team is just as much as passing up an empty net goal for someone else. The Pens are tightly knit, even with new guys like Martin Skoula. It's a great thing to see going forward. No one doing anything when there's a questionable hit is one of the most worrisome things you can see on the ice.

Before this though was a nice fight to get the teams going. Do you guys hate afternoon games as much as me? Baseball and football are afternoon sports, hockey is for the evening and night. I won't lie, when it's an afternoon game, I'm not that into it at first until a big hit or a fight. Thankfully, Deryk Engelland was all too happy to oblige for me.

It's too bad the photographers at Nassau Coliseum didn't want to oblige me with photos that made Engelland look like he was doing a good job:

[Getty Images]

[Getty Images]

Barfffff. At least I was into the game at that point. The fight made the game real immediately. After that the game had a feel to it. Really, I wish the Isles were better, and they are getting better, so that these games mean even more. Having John Tavares in the division is going to create a big rivalry between these two teams coming from Tavares vs. Crosby.

Of course, hits like the one Nate Thompson gave Martin Skoula and the response by Jordan Staal will also create a situation like that. Jordan Staal is not a fighter, and that's what makes this fight so much more important. His fights are often silly and ridiculous looking, usually ending in his ass getting kicked, but it's about showing up in this case:

[Getty Images]

Want some? Get some. Alright, fine, you can watch the fight too...

Thompson goes all Jarkko Ruutu on Staal here, playing possum at first and then just laying him out. Again, it doesn't matter at all, just as long as Staal shows up.

It should come as no surprise that Staal gets a ten minute misconduct on this play as well, considering the ref. You don't see it all the time, Sidney Crosby didn't get a misconduct for fighting Keith Ballard after a hip check against Evgeni Malkin last year for example, but Staal does. Crosby, like Staal, did get an instigation penalty. However, Bill McCreary just loves to effect the game in some way. Why does he need ten minutes on top of that? He doesn't.

Let the players police the game.

Who even is this guy?

2009-11-25T16:59:00.004-05:00

Yes, yes, a solid OT victory against the Panthers and crybaby Vokoun. That's not the point of this post though. Who the fuck is this Mike Rupp that we signed? We'll get to his fight later, but I want to actually, surprisingly, look at his stats so far this season.

In twenty-four games, Mike Rupp has already buried it five times, has added two helpers to that, and is an overall +3. Not bad for a guy that when he was signed many in the Penguins fanbase questioned Ray Shero considering we already had Eric Godard. Call me biased, but I thought signing Rupp was great. It gave us depth at enforcer and someone who can crash the boards on a dump. I didn't even expect Rupp to be putting the puck in the net like he is. But, then again, Rupp probably didn't either. Put talent around a guy, good stuff happened.

But, look at the man's stats from seasons pasts. His CAREER HIGH in goals is SIX. Six! He has five already! We haven't even completed a third of the season and he is already one goal away from a new career high, on pace to bury it seventeen times. How's that for secondary scoring?

What's so great about Mike Rupp is he hasn't let this success go to his head too much. What I never really liked about Georges Laraque when he was the enforcer for the Penguins is he would often get caught up in playing offense. Looking cool with drop passes or "Being in his office," behind the net as Steiggy loved to point out never really lead to all that much. Meanwhile, if he wasn't show fighting the other team's heavyweight, he wasn't doing much of anything else. Mike Rupp, I'm very happy to see you're still with me:

Have some. If I were writing a scholarly paper on enforcing, this would be a primary source. The Florida announcer basically gives the definition of enforcing: "I can guarantee you who started that conversation, Rupp. Because of the shot at Malkin. Anytime you take a shot at superstar, what it is, you're gonna have to answer for it." Mike Rupp, you're a man.

[AP]

Look at that face. Complete control, all business, whatever you want to call it.

Rupp though, wasn't done. In addition to fighting, he just happened to do this late in the game with the Pens needing a goal to tie:

[Getty]

Clutch City. Why isn't this dude in front of the net on the PP? Make it happen.

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

2009-11-25T03:13:00.006-05:00

Oh, Ilya, Evander, do you know what you're doing? Sometimes, I'm not so sure. Especially you Ilya. Quite honestly, I'm always surprised that games between the Thrashers and the Penguins don't have more bad blood in them. We all remember Kovalchuk and Crosby's history. If not, here's a reminder:

Yellow pads, baby. Those games were dirty. Boards, slashes, all sorts of bad times between Crosby and Kovalchuk, but you rarely see it bubble up between them anymore. Oh, and there's this head hunter who plays for the Thrashers:

[AP]

Yup. I said it, Colby Armstrong is a head hunter. Prove me wrong.

Anyway, so, with the history and Armstrong's penchant for leaving his feet and hitting people high, I figured I was settling in for a solid battle. With all the Russians on the ice I thought there was going to be a pretty sweet balance between goonery and just ridiculous skating and puck movement. It took a while, but it finally got going. Quite honestly, I think it started right here with Evgeni Malkin. The game hadn't been real chippy before this, but after it happened, it got a lot worse:

[Getty Images]

Malkin knows his role, he's not about to fight unless it's incredibly important. Hainsey is trying to get him to fight and honestly I'm surprised Malkin didn't drop them. A lot of restraint on the part of Malkin here, something his countryman didn't show later in the game.

I don't understand what Evander Kane thinks is going to happen when he starts a fight with Deryk Engelland (who, by the way, is becoming a big time favorite at tGB), because it seems like Kane isn't expecting a fight to happen. You slew foot a guy who is a known fighter, land on top of him, then stand up and face him and you're still surprised by the fight starting? Johnny Horton, set me up.

Deryk Engelland, maybe not big around the middle, just big period:

I love seeing dudes stand up for themselves. Really, they are my favorite kind of fights. When Captain drops the gloves to protect himself, I get out of my seat a little faster, but seeing anyone do it is always a plus. There's really no heavyweights on the Thrashers for Godard or Rupp to tango with, so this is the fight you're going to see. It's a real pure hockey fight, fighting for respect, and, in Engelland's case, to keep a job or a get a job in the future. We all know Engelland is going back to the AHL at some point, but he has played solid and fought while he's been up here, people won't forget that.

We move on, of course, to some serious comedy from Matt Cooke. I honestly have no idea what Ilya Kovalchuk is thinking. In the first clip in this post the Atlanta announcers are all over Kovalchuk's dick for being smarter than Sidney Crosby and not getting caught up taking unnecessary penalties. I'm going to give the Atlanta feed first because it makes me laugh hysterically. Suddenly, maturity is something completely different. Maturity is taking yourself out of the game.

Really? Why are you talking about the hit on Donovan? Why are they acting like it was Cooke who started it? Maybe it was Kovalchuk's hit on Bourque earlier in the game followed by him talking shit at the ENTIRE Penguin bench that brought it on. Don't start nothing, won't be nothing. Errey, my man, back me up:

"You better back it up."

Kovalchuk gets an instigator, and instigating with a visor, and a misconduct for this because he loses his head. Who's the mature one now? My reaction to all those penalties? Basically the same as Matt Cooke's.

[Thanks to the bitches over at Puck Huffers for this.]

Who's the mature one now, clowns? Thanks for removing yourself from the rest of the game. The game ended 3-2, how different would it have been with Kovalchuk in the lineup for the rest of the game? Matt Cooke is a genius.

Heeding the Call

2009-11-21T02:06:00.005-05:00

Basically the game against Ottawa didn't happen. Everyone understand? Good. Onwards to the return of my main man. Oh, Eric, it's like you read my humble little blog! Remember, a few posts back, when I talked all sorts of smack on Chris Neil for being a asshat and not getting his? Remember? Guys? Anyone? Well, I mean, I remember. Let me remind you. After going out for his shift late in the game, which had already been full of some fine dirty hits and cowardice, Neil finally got rung up by the refs and for his troubles got to go to the showers early. Quite the gift indeed, I'm sure Neil sent the ref a nice Christmas Card. I mean, he saved him from having to deal with the wrath of Eric Godard and Mike Rupp for that night at least. But, true to form, Neil didn't let the Penguins bench forget that he is, in fact, an assclown. Real easy to talk when you don't have to back that up, isn't it?

At long last, it was finally different. Neil comes in high on Godard in a blowout game that had nothing dirty in it going on, and suddenly it's game on all over again. Neil's elbow comes up and Godard has more than enough of an excuse to pummel. Let's go to the footage, shall we? I really want to myself:

Delicious. A classic "message," fight by Eric Godard here. The Sens won't continue to walk all over us, next game is going to be a fight, we won't go quietly into the night. All that badass, last stand, fighting against insurmountable odds, stuff. Honestly, I'd love to see him do this earlier in the games, but more than likely, Godard would have had to take the extra two for instigating because, and remember this kids: Chris Neil doesn't like to fight the big boys, he'd rather fight guys that don't fight first, like Luke Schenn or Milan Lucic. Of course, that doesn't always work out for him either. Really, Neil's just a joke in general.

Sigh, I have to say the score to make my next point. Alright, fine, the Senators won 6-2, no one cares, injuries, etc., blah blah blah, you can read about this crap elsewhere. With the score out of control, Godard taking an extra two? What you think about it Sanderson?

Well worth it. Too true, my friend, too true. Any chance to paint this picture of fear on Chris Neil's face is well worth it:

[AP]

You wish you could instill fear into someone like Eric Godard is right here. You wish you could have hair like Eric Godard has right here. You wish a lot of things, only one is happening though. Eric Godard is Heeding the Call. Power Metal, anyone?

"Heeding the call, one and for all. Never surrender with glory we'll fall. Brothers unite, let's stand up and fight. Fulfilling our fate we are heeding the call."

Eric Godard is heeding my call to fight. Eric Godard and the Penguins might lose a game or two here and there, but the other team is going to have to earn that victory. Maybe Chris Neil doesn't open his mouth next time he plays the Penguins, but he probably does. Hopefully though his fighting tactics get a little better than this next time, though, otherwise it's just going to be another long night of Eric Godard's fists and feather hair flying all over your grill:

[Reuters]

Eric Godard is momentarily blinded. This fact is irrelevant. The man gets hit right on the button by greater fighters and doesn't even care. You think him not being able to see is going to stop him from pummeling you?

Two Games Two Fights One Reason

2009-11-17T00:27:00.008-05:00

I'm folding Mr. Engelland's and Mr. Guerin's fights together. I'd put this up to Bourque sucking, as seems to be the cool thing to do these days (Woo), but really, I just got into the weeds with school work (oh, the woes of being a college student), and haven't had time to update. Apologies all around. I'm sure you missed me as much as I missed you. You didn't? Well, fuck you then. On to the rumbles.

I kind of don't want to talk about Deryk Engelland's fight. See, I love Bob Errey, he amazes me with his puns and his all around awesome commentary full of shenanigans and awesome stuff I expect to hear from my pothead friends. However, the pun...oh, it was just too much:

Are you still with me? I barely survived. That pun might have caused internal bleeding. Anyway, this is a big time "Get your team going," fight on the part of Byron Bitz. Huh...a fight that could arguably be called a show fight...who usually does that on the Penguins...

[AP]

Oh, hey, who's that guy? 3 Fights in 18 Games, Eric? I am disappoint. Paul Bissonnette has 8 for Phoenix. Where you at Godard? Where's my guy that fought 21 times last year? I miss you, dude.

Anyway! Before I get more sentimental about Eric Godard, back on Engelland's fight. Bitz is trying to get his team going in a game that Boston has come out slowly in thus far and is losing 1-0. The fight isn't really anything major. Engelland punches Bitz' shoulder a few times, grazes him with an uppercut, then they fall down. Engelland I guess wins because Bitz doesn't even throw a punch. By the end of this game, 10 goals later, no one even remembers this fight, especially with Guerin's goal. Wow. Still having chills about it.

As an aside not about fighting, Engelland and Lovejoy have done a stellar job coming up from the AHL to play some blueline for the big boys. Definitely loving Engelland taking the body, he's paid his dues and it's good to see him rewarded:

[Getty]

Have some. You're the enemy now Whitney, sorry pal.

Which brings us to Guerin. Billy G is pretty hot right now (and he's playing some good hockey too, woo?), and after a game where he tied the game with 0.4 seconds to play, he added another goal (and on the Power Play no less, stunned!) and had a fight with Ryan Getzlaf. Once again, this fight is basically irrelevant. The Ducks try to get jump started by this but instead decide to take more penalties against the Penguins:

Errey once again comes through with some golden commentary...by which I mean ridiculous. After the fight is concluded, Errey comments that it's not often you see two elder statesmen going at it like that. Getzlaf is only 24, though, it's understandable that Errey would make this mistake, especially after seeing Getzlaf's giant bald spot. I, however, take umbrage with Getzlaf going after Guerin when he did. Not only did he cross check Guerin and slash him and hit him from behind until Billy G fought him, he fought Guerin at the end of his shift. Oh yeah, Getzlaf, real honorable fighting a guy after he's tired from being out on the ice for a minute already. You still got worked by a guy 15 years older than you even when he was at the end of his shift. Embarrassing.

All and all though boys, these fights have been quickly forgotten in the games they were within. Every fight though is important. Engelland allowed the Boston player a chance to get his team fired up, I'd expect Bitz to do the same if the Penguins were in that shape, it's just the honorable thing fighters do. Guerin stood up for himself like a champ, even though he was at the end of his shift and showed the Ducks we wouldn't deal with their crap. Good on ya, old man.

Though, I must say: selfishly...I still miss Godard.

One final point kids. There's a new Pens blog on that there internet that ya all need to check out. A Wife/Hubby combo should provide for some solid views from solid fans and above all use, solid people.

Check 'em out, jokes. The link is in the sidebar.

Going Down Fighting

2009-11-09T16:41:00.004-05:00

Can I just start off by first saying I hate the San Jose Sharks? Bunch of regular season performers who can never do anything in the playoffs. Joe Thorton, you could score 300 points in the regular season and I wouldn't give a fuck, because you can't even score 10 in the playoffs when it matters. So, really, I can't say that I'm all that surprised or upset by the Sharks railroading the Penguins. It's California, it's early in the regular season, it's about as expected as a chubby kid getting some chocolate.

There is one player I have respect for on the Sharks, and that's Jody Shelley. But, more on that later.

How good has Mike Rupp been since signing with the Penguins? He hits like a train, has more goals already than he did last season, and has no problem dropping the gloves. In a game that the Penguins were on the ropes on early, Mike Rupp chased Brad Staubitz up and down the ice, poking at him with his stick, probably questioning his sexual prowess, perhaps bringing to light that Staubitz' mom isn't that classy, SOMETHING to get the guy to go.

This came less than a minute after the Sharks went up 2-0 on a ridiculous power play goal. Douglas Murray shoots the puck after the whistle is blown, Matt Cooke gives him a bump for shooting the puck and Cooke gets a penalty? Ridiculous.

Anyway, Rupp tries to get the team going with a solid scrap. Don't even pretend like that didn't happen, I got some documentation right here!

[AP]

So, OK, maybe it looks like they're dancing rather than fighting. But, my dear readers, don't even THINK that Rupp isn't out dancing Staubitz. The Penguins did play some inspiring hockey after that, but after Boyle's goal, a little bit soft by Fleury, the Penguins sorta had the life sucked out of them.

Which brings us to our boy named Jody. The boy has to be one of the toughest SOBs I have ever seen play hockey. Though, with not one, but TWO girl names, the kid was probably fighting in the nursery right after he was born. Johnny Cash, tell 'em.

If you don't like the Original Man in Black, you can just fuck right off. Jay McKee is a crazy person. After a shift where the Pens were getting some dignity back with some rough play by Matt Cooke and Mike Rupp, Jay McKee loses his head and goes after Jody Shelley for seemingly no reason. This comes after already taking a penalty. Now, earlier in the year, you'll remember me going ballistic for McKee getting an instigation penalty against the New York Islanders. Here, this is well deserved. I have no idea what McKee is doing and he's lucky he doesn't get hurt after Shelley throws him to the ice with his head smacking. Really, just a stupid play by a veteran who has been playing incredible hockey for the Penguins so far this season.

Stupid.

Shelley goes to the box for fighting, McKee goes to the box with roughly 15 years of penalties. Shelley comes out, and guess who finally comes calling for a fight? Eric Godard. Remember him? I kind of do.

There is a problem, however, with this fight. When you are fighting late in a game that doesn't matter you have to win the fight convincingly to shut the crowd up. Eric Godard, while a total beast, does not win this fight. I have to say though, Eric Godard's toughness, after this fight and the fight with Brashear earlier in this season, cannot be questioned. The man gets hit on the button a few times and keeps getting up begging for more like some sort of skating Rocky Balboa.

Godard takes an uppercut and doesn't even appear stunned by it. I said it about Brashear, I'll say it about Shelley, normal men are dead after taking those punches. Despite all the shots Godard takes and responds to, the chant at the Shark Tank is still "SHELLEY! SHELLEY!" at the end of this fight. It's good to see you drop the gloves again though, Eric, I have missed you, sir.

Friend Zoned

2009-11-01T16:57:00.008-05:00

Last night's game was awful. It's like wining and dining your lady friend so well all night, but then fucking up in bed. The Pens bought dinner, pulled out chairs, opened doors, drove, made witty remarks that kept the Wild smiling, but they couldn't bury it. Backstrom friend-zoned the entire Penguins roster, despite ALL the Penguins had done during the game. What a bitch.

The Penguins tried everything but nothing seemed to work. Oh, well, these things happen, right?

On to the good stuff. First of all, I got a bone to pick with my boy. Eric Godard, where have you been? You didn't feel like doing this again to Derek Boogaard?

The smug look on the dude's face is essentially my reaction to everyone of Eric Godard's fight. You know what my reaction to Eric Godard is these days?

Exactly.

Eric Godard, it's been so long my friend. You had such an opportunity last night. It's not like we were playing a team that was full of Nancies that wouldn't want to fight (See: Florida Panthers), this was against the Minnesota Wild with the "Boogie Man." It was fucking Halloween Godard! Come on! The puns would have wrote themselves!

Thank goodness that we have a Captain like Jerome Iginla though who will fight when he needs to. Wait...what?

[AP]

[Getty Images]

Sidney Patrick Crosby! What do you think you're doing!? I love it, but what do you think you're doing!? By the looks of things, whatever he wants to. I've come to have a lot of respect for Sidney Crosby in his choices for dropping the gloves. Whether it was sticking up for himself, as he did last night or in a few of his other fights, or coming to the defense of a teammate, as was his immediate reaction when Evgeni Malkin got launched by Keith Ballard last season.

My favorite thing about this fight? The old school feel of it. The fight strap is something I'm not the largest fan of, but it's something that is now apart of everyday fighting in the NHL. In the rare cases where someone that isn't a heavyweight fights in a game, you have the chance of seeing something glorious. Men like Godard, Boogaard, Cote, Brashear, whomever: they expect to fight so they have their fight straps on. Guys like Marek fucking Zidlicky? Not so much.

Oh, jersey pulled over a dude's head...it's so rare that I see you. Zidlicky, however, isn't Jarkko Ruutu, so the likelihood of this happening isn't very high...

Which brings me to my next point, the linesmen stepping in. The Crosby haters, this parts for you. Oh, do I love when you people comment on Crosby fighting. In between bitching that he's a Crybaby (Crysby, truly too clever), and having a giant inferiority complex, they can still somehow find the time to complain about him not sticking up for himself. So what happens when he actually does?

Complaints about the refs stepping in are the order of the day. Now, in a week where we've seen vicious hits and incredible injuries, you'd think that refs would be a little on edge to stop things when they get to the point where someone might get injured, right? No, no, not when Sidney Crosby's involved. When he's involved it's because he is being protected by the refs, despite the fact that he had Zidlicky in a precarious position, not the other way around. Crosby, your thoughts on these jobbers?

[Getty Images]

Hmmm...he seems about indifferent about those comments as he was about Zidlicky's fighting style. Eat it.

The Straw that Stirs the Drink

2009-10-24T13:20:00.000-04:00

Wow, it's nice to have something to write about for once, isn't it? I'm pretty sure there weren't even scrums in the past few games, save for Mike Rupp getting involved for maybe two seconds, but other than that there was nothing for me to feast upon. This place isn't for sweet goals or Sidney Crosby somehow skating on his head because there are sites for that, so if nothing happens? Well, nothing really happens. I suppose I could have wrote about the Mike Rupp sniper show, but that would be TWO whole posts falling away from the true purpose, and that just makes me feel dirty all over.

Did anyone fall asleep during the first period of last nights game? I probably would have if it wasn't for my being so incredibly angry with the Pens performance thus far. It's like our offense is swinging from the Gallows Pole when Brent Johnson is in. I'll let you all take a moment to recover from that atrocious pun, I'm so sorry guys...

Anyway, the Pens were playing horrible again in front of Johnson and nothing seemed to be going their way. The Penguins were doing everything except playing hockey: making sandwiches, filing taxes, text messaging the fine lady (or gentleman, hey, do what you want, I got no problem), they wanted to get with, and singing show tunes. Thankfully, their savior arrived just in time:

[AP]

Don't worry, Sid, papa's gonna make it all right. Apparently, it fell entirely on Chris Kunitz' shoulders to wake the team up in the second period last night. After essentially the first great shift by the Penguins all night, Kunitz finally got into it with someone. This came after plenty of jobbing with Tomas Vokoun, of which, of course, I am totally a fan of. Vokoun is a crybaby that often blames everyone but himself when he has a bad game. He throws his arms up in surrender, scowls at his teammates, or even points at them. I'm excited for the day when a defender just stops and lets an opposing player have a one on one with Vokoun. Anyway, you people aren't idiots, you saw what happened, Keith Ballard drove Kunitz into the ice for smack and Vokoun, textbook defensive play. Kunitz could have let that be the end of it, got up, and got back in the play. He knew there was a chance to get a spark and tried to get something going for his jobbing of Vokoun. What's surprising is this was one of the only times that the Florida defense stood up for their goalie. Then again, maybe that's their response to Vokoun being an asshat? Who knows, have some fists:

We all know how the game turned around from there. The Penguins had more hop than the Panthers, had more shots, and all around played better then the Panthers. Chris Kunitz stirred it up for the Penguins, doing everything except pulling a Paul Bissonnette and shouting "Let's Go!" at the bench, and the Penguins listened. For those people who think fighting does not have a place in hockey, this is the second example I'll show you (the first being Superstar's fight in the Flyer series last year), as to how a fight changes a game. You can literally see two different teams before and after Chris Kunitz' fight. It is only because of Vokoun playing out of his mind that this game went to overtime and a shootout. All this came from Kunitz mixing it up.

Oh, how nice it is to see a fight. It's especially nice to see Chris Kunitz drop the gloves because it's just another thing to shove in the faces of those who think Kunitz is unworthy of top line minutes. Truthfully, I ask you, is there anyone always around the puck, always working, always hitting, always everything, more than Chris Kunitz? Ask Kimmo Timonen what he thinks about this:

Yeah? Sucks, doesn't it? Or ask Semyon Varlamov what it's like to go after a puck with Chris Kunitz buzzing around?

Unbiasedly, I have a problem with what Chris Kunitz does here, but he gets away with it and I'd be lying if I said it didn't help the Penguins. These things happen in mere seconds and don't result in the red light turning on, but they take each player off their game for who knows how long. Maybe Varlamov doesn't come out to challenge someone as much next time when Chris Kunitz is on the ice, mucking in his crease? Maybe Kimmo Timonen forces the puck away a little to quickly when he sees #14 coming and it causes a turnover and a scoring chance for Pittsburgh?

Kunitz stirs the Penguins drink on a lot of nights. I'd go so far as to say that he joins Matt Cooke as a pest for the Penguins (though really, that's not as much of a stretch as I make it seem). As we saw last night, even if he's not burying it (and he will, you don't score around twenty goals in four consecutive years by accident), he's doing everything else on the ice. Kunitz hits, fights, and jobs better than anyone on the Pittsburgh Penguins. His heavy checking opens up space for Sidney Crosby because for once, not only are the opponents of the Penguins afraid of Sidney Crosby making them look stupid and force to always have an eye on him; they're afraid of Chris Kunitz ending them and making them look stupid, so they are force to always have an eye on him too. Something's gonna give.

Chipping In

2009-10-16T23:18:00.001-04:00

Readers (I assume there are a few of you), I fear that some of you may believe me more akin to a Philadelphia Flyers stereotype rather than something more comparable to a hockey fan who wants to win the game above all else. I'm thankful to say that the game against the Hurricanes did what it needed to in order to hopefully allow me to prove to you that I am first a hockey fan that just likes a fight more than most.

Now, I use the Philadelphia Flyers comparison as such: the way the Philadelphia Flyers organization portrays itself as fighting and goonery first, actually winning games second. In their opening montage, there is discussion about how they're ruthless and relentless and other such crap. Rather than showing Richards or Carter or Gagne showing some unreal goals, the predominance of the video is full of Cote and Carcillo fights as well as big checks being delivered by all sorts of random Flyers.

I love fights, I love huge checks, but scoring goals and not giving those goals up is the most important thing in the game. So, when you see a normal team's highlights, you know, one not full of douches, it's full of goals, saves, and maybe one or two fights. Take the Penguins for example, probably clips of Jordan Staal undressing Ray Emery, Evgeni Malkin ruining Cam Ward, Sidney Crosby being Sidney Crosby, and then maybe a Godard fight followed by saves by Fleury and maybe a check by Orpik. Following the Flyers mantra it'd be Godard, Godard, Godard, Rupp, Godard, Crosby, Godard, Cooke, Godard, Godard. Eric Godard is good at what he does, possibly even the best at what he does (that's an X-Men reference, kids), but he isn't what makes this team go.

Now, I bring all this set up because of what happened during the game in Carolina. One-third of the Shiner Line was out against Carolina, and I won't lie, I love seeing me some Eric Godard. Not the best skater in the world, but he skates hard, tries to block shots, and does what he can when he gets his shifts that aren't filled with him fighting. Chris Bourque is certainly a better skater, has a better scoring touch, etc. But, honestly, if he's just getting predominantly 4th line shifts, why is he even out there?

But, that's really beside the point because Bourque didn't score in the game. But did you know who did fucking score?

[AP]

Mike Rupp. Shiner Line, baby. This photo was taken directly after Rupp buried it on one of the sickest moves ever made by an enforcer, not to mention just sick period:

[AP]

Seriously, I'm pretty sure Ruslan Fedotenko is just as stunned in this photograph as Cam Ward. Though, Ward's eyes are closed as if he's pretending it's just a dream. I wonder if he hates losing his jock to Rupp more than that softie he gave up to Superstar Treatment last season in the ECF?

Really though, that is what being a fourth liner is all about, chipping in when you least expect it. I know it's not only me that goes crazy when someone who doesn't score that often buries one; I know when Godard will bury is one or two goals this season, people will go nuts, same goes for a player like Jay McKee or Brooks Orpik.

These people aren't supposed to score, they have other jobs. But, at the end of the day, that's what it is all about, scoring more goals than the other guys. So, really, when a guy that is supposed to have an easier time getting punched in the face than burying the puck scores, how can you not be out of your seat screaming?

Chris "Douche bag" Neil

2009-10-14T23:29:00.000-04:00

In a game that included Jarkko Ruutu and Chris Neil, it comes as almost a complete surprise to me that there is very little to talk about from this game. Except at the very end of the game where Chris Neil decided to do what he does best; being a douche bag.

Now, my friends, Chris Neil isn't a lot of things:

[AP]

An agile skater...

[AP]

A great net presence...

[AP]

A classically trained fighter...

But, what Chris Neil certainly isn't is a douche bag and a coward, no...wait:

[Reuters]

That's true too, crap. Neil came through in the clutch delivering some of the finer points of douche baggery to those who might not understand it. See, the game was essentially out of reach for the Senators, they'd played hard, but, as we all know, the Pittsburgh Penguins are just too damn good. Rather than just take an early season loss and get out of there with some dignity, Neil decided to give Penguins fans a reminder of why he's so hated.

Neil checked Sergei Gonchar into the dasher boards, aiming directly at his head, while Gonchar was bent over and in a precarious position. If Gonchar doesn't get up from this check, people talk about it on all the sports station the next day, questioning if it is dirty. Luckily for Penguins fans, Gonchar is fine. Neil then proceeds to skate up ice and get involved with Tyler Kennedy after a whistle for no reason whatsoever. It's really easy for Neil to go after the smaller guy in this situation not only because of TK being smaller than Neil but the refs involved in the scrum from the get go.

The refs aren't on my side, naturally, so they give Neil and Kennedy enough penalties that they won't see the ice again for the rest of the game. How unfortunate. What's even more unfortunate is the conduct with which Neil acts after he knows he's been ejected. It takes a real big man to point at the opposing teams bench and bark at the enforcers when you know you don't have to deal with them for the rest of the night.

I assume this is why I'm not a head coach in the National Hockey League. I say this because were it me, The Shiner Line of Godard, Rupp, and Adams would have been out and made the end of the game come much later than everyone expected. Preferably as they started the line brawl and are delivering punches to who fucking ever, they're shouting, "Blame 25!"

But, since we have to wait until the next game in order to take care of Neil's bullshit, may I recommend skating with your head on a swivel, Neil? You've got something on your back...

Dancing Any Way You Like

2009-10-11T23:10:00.000-04:00

Back in the day, by which I mean the 1990s, the Pittsburgh Penguins could sometimes be knocked off of their game. Sure, there were enforcers on the team back in those days (I still wish Dennis Bonvie would have seen more time with the big club back then...even if that was 1999), but there wasn't really a big feeling eminating from the team that they had toughness from Top Line to Bottom Line; Top Pair to Third Pair. This new era of Penguins hockey we are lucky enough to see unfold in front of us never feels that way to me. Everywhere on this Penguins team there are people ready to answer the bell, ready to stick up for their teammate, ready to drop the gloves. It fills my knuckle sandwich loving heart with pride...

We knew what we were going to get in this game from what we dealt with in the pre-season, the Toronto Maple Goons were going to out tough the Penguins and try to draw them into a rough goontastic game. Well, mission accomplished Leafs, it is just too bad that the Penguins still blew you out of your own building and matched you goon for goon, rough play for rough play.

It basically began as we all could have expected. Even people that have never watched a hockey game or seen ice before (so, you know, fans of the Florida Panthers), knew that Eric Godard and Colton Orr were going to drop the gloves, and drop them they did, much to my enjoyment:

[Reuters]

I like that Godard fights Orr more so than him fighting any other heavyweight enforcer in the league. Orr is better than most heavyweights beyond fighting because he can throw his weight around as well as his fists. If there's one knock against my boy Eric Godard, it's that he can't deliver a crushing check after a dump in. Orr, as talked about by by our FSNP boys, sometimes is matched up against Crosby or Malkin and is able to get under their skin at some points. Tonight it wasn't the case, Godard got involved early, and because the score wasn't close, Godard and Rupp were thankfully able to get shifts throughout the game to continue doing their jobs.

This was only the beginning though, it would seem. While the Penguins dominated from the drop of the puck, the Maple Leafs seemed to believe that they would be able to stop the domination by attacking them with cheap hits, fights, and taking penalties. Sergei Gonchar, how did that go for them early on?

[AP]

Looking like that's gonna end painfully for someone, Gonchar. This is not how you try to out muscle a team, blatant cheap shots are only going to get you to the penalty box and when you're playing against the Pittsburgh Penguins, this is going to be the next thing you see.

[Reuters]

Par for the course.

Jay Rosehill's stupidity didn't even stop or begin with this. Earlier in the game Rosehill was taking a page out of teammate Jason Blake's book and spearing Pittsburgh Penguins. The target, you ask? Kris Letang, as if the dude wasn't getting it bad enough in the past few days. I assume there is no photographic evidence of this because people are worried an army of Puck Bunnies, swooning of Kris Letang's majestic flowing mane, is out hunting for Rosehill as we speak.

Directly after the spear though, we see teammates rushing in. Bill Guerin, one of the last of his kind in my opinion, an old school 90s power forward that can take anything you throw at him and still give plenty back, rushed over and had the gloves off before you knew it, throwing them at Rosehill like it didn't even matter. What's stunning to me here is that Guerin didn't get an extra two for instigation, or a game misconduct, jokes.

Rosehill eventually got his, and I'm happy he did:

Some might not be impressed by Rupp in this fight because if anything he lost the fight. In cases like this, it doesn't matter. Rupp is doing a great thing here letting Rosehill know that, in the words of The Dude, "This aggression will not stand, man."

But, I've saved the best for last, fuck yeah Craig Adams! Adams has become a hero to me in the past few games with his fights, making the Pittsburgh Penguins fourth line one of the most formidable in the NHL with two guys always ready to drop the gloves and now Craig Adams ready to start shenanigans as well:

While this could have been further redemption from the Leafs for Craig Adams' elbow on Andy Rogers in the pre-season, the fact remains that Adams is more than willing to drop them.

So, what have we learned Toronto Maple Leafs? Philadelphia Flyers? In our two game swing of two goon teams, we learned that not only do the Leafs and Flyers not have the talent to beat us on the scoreboard but they don't have the talent to beat us in an alley either. With monsters like Eric Godard, Mike Rupp, and even Craig Adams who has discovered his fists along with his faceoff talent, the Pens are ready to play any game. Other people ready to drop the gloves like Jay McKee, Brooks Orpik, Tyler Kennedy, Matt Cooke, and Max Talbot when he comes back aren't even being mentioned yet. We have depth at scoring, and we have depth at toughness. Let the old Conn Smythe saying ring true for the 09-10 Penguins so far, "If you can't beat 'em in an alley, you can't beat 'em on the ice."

We'll beat you any way you want.

Somebody Call Daniel Day-Lewis!

2009-10-09T02:47:00.001-04:00

Did the end of that game really happen? Was I magically transported back into the 1970s? Well, obviously I wasn't sent there because then the Flyers might have actually won something important, but come on now, what the fuck was even going on during the end of this game?

Though, like the news or Entertainment Tonight, that's going to be just a tease and I'm not going to talk about that first. Don't you fucking scroll down you fucking cheaters! Before we can even begin to talk about the end, we have to talk about the sweet, sweet happenings at the beginning of the game. Sometimes, all the time if I had my way, there is a fight in the beginning of the game to get the crowd going and the teams into it. I won't lie, there's probably no need for a fight to get the fans into a game between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia, but I like seeing them anyway because it sets a nice tone of toleration if it's the heavyweights doing it. So, who would it be? Rupp and Asham? They fought last year in a very awkward fight where Rupp had his back to Asham by the end some how. Godard and Cote? They've been known to fight once or twice I think...maybe. I must admit I was truly looking forward to Godard going against Cote again because he always seems to get the best of him. Seems I'll just have to wait for Orr and the Maple Leafs on Saturday because this happened...

Fuck yeah, Craig Adams! Wait...what? Alright, sure, Craig Adams dropping the gloves isn't exactly like Alexander Semin dropping the gloves, but consider me still pleasantly surprised. Going against Ian Laperriere isn't no walk in the park either and I'm pretty proud of Adams. I found it amusing that after a fight during the Washington game, the Versus announcers made a point to discuss how Laperriere stated he would no longer be apart of "Show Fights." Now, maybe I'm just missing the definition, but that looks like a show fight to me. Early in the game, off the faceoff? All signs point to yes. Not that I'm complaining, I think show fights, even between heavyweights, have their place in the game personally. Adams getting the draw, perhaps win because he body slammed Laperriere and ended up on top, really was good for the Penguins early on. It wasn't a dominating victory to get the Flyer fans back into the game after Malkin silenced them early on, and Godard and Rupp were still left on the bench to continue to watch the flock.

Craig Adams played a pretty fantastic game in general. His booming hits in the corners lead to chances and a goal and he laid some serious boom on Chris Pronger in the corner. Anybody that lays some serious boom on that cheap shotting coward is alright in my book. But, as I said, more on that later. NO SCROLLING!

Before we get to the very end, I want to give you guys a reason to fight. The Flyer Faithful (You know, when they're not booing their own team), consider themselves to be the most intimidating fans in hockey. That's probably true, mostly because they have a pack mentality. It's really easy to have a big pair when you know there are way more people on your side than on the side you're going to attack. Corner one of these pukes, and I bet they pee their pants faster than Scottie Hartnell will the next time these two teams meet. But...again, more on that in a moment. We've all heard the horrorible (stupid), things Flyer fans have done; spitting on kids, calling them names, stabbing each other, you know, the classics. I'm all for chewing out another fan, but when it comes to children, you're a joke. No, you're not even a joke, you're scum. So, in light of that, I give you this champion:

[Getty Images]

I'd go to war for that kid. Probably there with his mom or dad in enemy territory, probably dealing with every drunken scumbag in the arena but still rocking the Penguins merchandise. Take note, that kid's a fan and is about to knock the crap outta them chicken tenders.

This kid got a classic lesson in message sending, and I hope he was paying attention because it will be on the exam. We come, at last, to the end of the game.

The Flyers had made it interesting in the final minute of the game, Jeff Carter rifling a puck past Fleury and giving the Flyers a chance to tie with about forty seconds remaining. Pull the goalie and try to grind out a goal right? That's what normal hockey teams do, right? It's just too bad the Flyers aren't a normal team. Here's a picture of what you're supposed to when you're skating towards the goalie.

[AP]

I'll take a moment to let you all get your giggles out after seeing Richards' face in this picture. Seriously, what are you even doing? Anyway...Richards does the correct thing here. Don't check the goalie, one of the biggest Cardinal Rules of hockey; as you can see with Richards skates spraying, he's trying to stop and doesn't. Good on ya, Captain Leadership, you're not a total toolbox. Wait, I spoke too soon. Remember that whole, trying to tie the game bit? Yeah, the Flyers just decided to throw that out and cause some chaos. Mike Richards runs Marc-Andre Fleury and then fakes an injury so he can get away with it, Kris Letang and Scottie Hartnell get tangled up...Kris Letang comes out bleeding? What the fuck is even happening?

First of all, just an absolutely great showing of class by Captain Mike Richards, really, bravo. With the puck in the corner you run at the Pittsburgh goalie and try to take him out. To top it off, you fake an injury after you bang off the crossbar so you don't have to answer for your actions. Part of me...OK, all of me, wishes Richards would have injured himself for such a stupid, arrogant play. Really though, this becomes just background, what the FUCK is Hartnell doing?

Scott Hartnell is a lot of things: Bad Shootout Participant, Good Temper Tantrum Thrower, Bad Fighter, Malachai impersonator, but what I really thought he'd never be was a biter. I guess this is really my fault, I should always expect the Flyers to force me to sink my expectations lower. Scott Hartnell BITES Kris Letang's bare hand! You've got to be fucking kidding.

To top it all off, Chris Pronger and all his glorious cowardice gets a hold of Chris Kunitz from behind and has his hands around his throat. Really? We're going to add choking to the game as well? I guess that's fair, if you're going to go all in, you're going to go all in. What is the funny part about this though is that after Pronger lets up on Kunitz' throat, Kunitz turns around ready to throw them. A little tale of the tape shows that Kunitz gives up six inches to Pronger and Pronger still doesn't start throwing them. Truly Pronger, I thought it was bad when you let Parros clean up your messes, but now you won't even fight a guy six inches shorter than you in a fair fight? You'll strangle him though it seems...

All that's really left to say is December 15th. Scott Hartnell, since I really consider you to be the worst transgression of this scrum with biting someone, I'll bet you'll find yourself meeting Eric Godard or Mike Rupp real early in that game. Here's a friendly reminder:

[Reuters]

It'll almost be like an anniversary for you Hartnell! That was December 13th last year. I hope Godard remembers to get you a present. There will be blood.

The Perks of Not Dressing a Goon

2009-10-08T14:25:00.000-04:00

I'm stunned, folks. No, I'm not stunned about the loss, getting shut out by the Phoenix fucking Coyotes, or even that ridiculous save by Brent Johnson, I'm stunned with the shenanigans that the Coyotes, specifically Ed Jovanovski, got away with.

Eric Godard was sitting up in the press box, most likely with a ridiculous suit, so he was in no way able to handle what was going on on the ice. What was going on, you ask? Ed Jovanovski running around being a douche is what. Despite high hits, face washes, and sticks where they aren't supposed to be, Jovanovski was able to do it subtlety enough that he only received one minor. Jovanovski basically punched Evgeni Malkin in the back of the head...two...three...one hundred times, before the ref's arm finally went up. This followed an incredibly high hit to Evgeni Malkin's face by Jovanovski that left the Penguin bench screaming for a penalty that never came.

Where was the redemption? Where was Mike Rupp or Jay McKee since Eric Godard was in the press box enjoying pretzels or maybe some club sandwiches? No where to be found, at all. Leaving Evgeni Malkin, Jordan Staal, and Dan Bylsma to provide these faces:

[AP]

Malkin appears to be stabbing something with his stick, Disco Dan appears to be giving the stink eye to someone (perhaps the Penguins offense? WOOOO!), and Jordan Staal...well...Jordan Staal seems to be contemplating how, as a zombie, he found himself so lucky to be handed 17K plus people with delicious brains to eat.

I know what everyone is thinking right now too, "But tGB! Rupp or McKee or anyone would have had to take an extra two in order to fight Jovanovski!" I suppose you're right, that WOULD happen if Rupp or McKee fought Jovanovski, but does it really matter in the end? The Penguins had eleven minors in the game against Phoenix, so really, what is twelve? Perhaps though, they were just practicing for their game against the Philadelphia Flyers tonight? Take penalties for no reason, good idea. Sometimes, you just have to bite the bullet so crap like that doesn't happen to Malkin and crap like this doesn't happen to Sidney Crosby:

[AP]

Help me, Eric Godard, you're my only hope...

Right Into My Lap

2009-10-04T02:07:00.000-04:00

Apparently, the zebras read my blog (I mean, somehow has to, right?), and decided to stick it to me in the game between the Pens and the Isles tonight. I could care less about John Tavares, he's soft as Hell.

Cry about it. Maybe you should learn how to take a check, I hear you'll be taking more than a few of those at pro level. Yeah...I don't like Tavares, anyway. While I'm happy about spoiling Tavares' debut, I'm even more happy we saw some more grit from the team and Eric Godard wasn't even involved in it.

I really don't understand how this fight started. Mike Rupp misses a check on Freddy Meyer and that causes not one, but two New York Islanders to hit him high and with cross checks. Tim Jackman eventually gets Rupp to drop the gloves and Mikey holds his own against him, throwing some bombs and answering the bell for I suppose what the Islanders believed to be a dirty check. The argument can be made that Rupp went for a knee on knee hit but I believe that has to do more with Meyer side stepping Rupp than Rupp's intention. Regardless, the Pens were laying their bodies and then answered the bell when the Islanders came calling, as it says in The Code. Here it is, as it happened, with FANCY moving pictures.

What happens later in the game is a completely different ruling. Ruslan Fedotenko gets caught with his head down and Brendan Witt takes full advantage. Witt, who other than shots like this is only known for getting skated around, delivers a high hit and the elbow gets up on Fedotenko.

[Reuters]

Par for the course, Witt.

So, according to the lines of policing the game that were already laid down by the refs, what Jay McKee did is totally within the realm of possibility, right?

[Reuters]

Got your nose!

But! If you'll notice, Jay McKee gets seventeen penalty minutes for this one play. Seventeen? Really? You've got to be joking. Tim Jackman gets to drop the gloves with Michael Rupp without taking an extra two but McKee goes after Witt after a hard, arguably dirty check and he gets not only a instigation penalty but a GAME MISCONDUCT!? You're joking zebras, you're joking.

Oh, you're not? Well, got to love that double standard. I mean, what Jackman did and what McKee did are totally different, right? Oh wait, they aren't. This is what I don't understand about the instigator penalty right now. I mean, really I don't think it has a place in the league to begin with. The instigator rule let's people like Sean Avery get away with what he does without threat of repercussion. What would Avery do if when he let his stick and elbow get up on Malkin or Crosby he had to deal with Godard or Rupp coming after him with no threat of instigation? When you take away the ability for the player to police the game only in certain situations it causes confusion. Plus, players are getting away with dangerous and cheap hits. Let them fight, without penalty. It cleans up the game.

Here's a little extra treat tonight for you guys as well. My OHL team is the Erie Otters (Mikey Rupp played his Junior Hockey in Erie), and it was a good one tonight. Erie and London are huge rivals, and despite some of Erie's big time enforcers (specifically one of my favorite enforcers Michael Liambis), being out it was a great game with hard hitting and lots of grit. However, the gloves didn't come off until overtime.

Honestly, I was surprised McRae dropped the gloves (and even seems hesitant until the VERY last moment). All game the Knights had been cross checking, chirping, and face washing after plays but were always all too happy to let the linesmen skate in once the Otters started responded. It was nice to see Cook finally get someone to throw down with, if only letting loose that frustration all night lead to a win for Erie.

And, in the most mind boggling moment of penalties being handed out in the past few days, BOTH of the fighters got misconducts for being secondary fighters, even though no other fight had started.

Referees, an enigma wrapped in a mystery...

Starting it Off Right

2009-10-03T13:03:00.000-04:00

The Penguins started off just like we thought they would; a sweet banner, some cheering...OK a lot of cheering, a bunch of sweet trophies, all that good stuff. There are other blogs and other places to read about the goals, Fleury's sweet save, and how the Rangers have no cohesion with another free agent filled team. We know what we're all here for though.

The beginning of the game was all energy from the Penguins and they gained the first goal. However, the energy and excitement going through the crowd because of the banner raising and the first goal began to fade out. Despite dominating the first ten minutes in terms of shots and the score, the Pens seemed to be losing the momentum. After a shift where Donald Brashear was running around, the Penguins had their excuse to get back in the game. Brashear got chippy, Godard stood up and screamed at him on the bench, Godard came out the very next shift, fight city.

This was a heavyweight fight if there ever was one. Most men, after this happened, the fight would already be over:

[Reuters]

Lesser men are either on their back or dead right now. Eric Godard takes that left in the face and keeps plugging along, even having time to not only beat Donald Brashear, but make him do embarrassing things as well.

[AP]

What's it smell like, Brashear? Does it smell like violence and manliness? Does it smell like the bitter defeat you are about to receive? Does it smell like a fanbase who hates you more every time you lose a fight because of what you did in the playoffs last year? Yes, it smells like all those things. To me? I bet it'd smell like victory. Watching this fight I was absolutely stunned that Godard was able to keep on ticking after the first punch from Brashear caught him right on the button. Godard's head snapped back for a moment, but dude immediately got back into it. Really, at the end of the day, when this is the final shot you see, is there any doubt who won the fight in the end?

[Reuters]

Pittsburgh Penguins, 1-0-0. Eric Godard, 1-0. What's even better about this is what happened after the fight. The Penguins, for the first time in I don't know how long, have depth at enforcer. While Michael Rupp is more of a power forward with a mean streak and less hands, his toughness is still something to respect. Right after Godard went into the box, Rupp was out. Against a team like New York this isn't really important because I'm pretty sure other than Brashear the average height of the Blueshirts is 4'2". However, against teams like the Flyers or the Maple Leafs, this will be a very good thing to have. With Godard in the box for five minutes the goons on those teams might try something. Rupp coming on the ice right after provides an immediate deterrent against further shenanigans.

Speaking of the Flyers, I have a bone to pick with NHL referees. During the Philadelphia/Carolina game last night, Daniel Carcillo was up to his usual bullshit. After boarding Ray Whitney, it's time for retribution. This is how The Code works; you take a run at a player or are guilty of a dirty play, you're going to have to pay. What follows is baffling and is a clear sign of referees trying to take control out of the players hands. Tim Gleason immediately answers the bell for Whitney and goes after Carcillo. The fight isn't much, but the penalties after are what make my blood boil. Carcillo gets the fighting major and two minutes for boarding. Gleason gets a fighting major, two for instigating, AND a game misconduct? Are you kidding me zebras? You're taking control out of the players hands and if players have to take extra two minutes to get retribution for dirty hits, you're not going to see fighting for dirty hits. Either these penalties won't be called or we'll find people quoting Olalf Sanderson from D2: The Mighty Ducks.

"Two Minutes? Well worth it."

They Will Write His Name in the Sky...or...I will...

2009-09-30T22:37:00.000-04:00

So, this happened earlier in the day, but I've been weeping up until now. I'm going to try and get through this, but I'm not promising anything folks. I'm an emotional man, you know how it goes. I had my hopes that Paul Bissonnette would make the team this season. Granted, these hopes were equivalent to the hopes that I'll make it with Rosario Dawson, but I had them none the less. With Godard and Rupp on the team though, it seemed as though Biz Nasty was destined to never suit up for the Pittsburgh Penguins on a regular basis. Alas, it is the reason I will never coach an NHL team. Not just because I can't skate very well, but also because there would be too many goons on my squads.

The waiver wire has been a friend of mine in recent memory. Today, she broke my heart. Months ago, many will remember Miro Satan sitting on the waiver wire. It comes as a surprise, but I adored Satan before he beat Patrick Eaves face in. He made it through and arrived safely with the Baby Penguins and was therefore able to return to apply his fists and smirks to the Carolina Hurricanes.

[AP]

What a pimp, look at that fucking smirk. Anyway.

As we all know, today the waiver wire dug its knife into my back. I knew Bissonnette wasn't going to make the squad, but I never thought someone would claim him off waivers, I thought he'd safely return to the AHL. It is no small amount of homerism that let me do that. Bissonnette is a man who has worked his ass off trying to get to the NHL. Before he was an enforcer, he had remade himself as a forward, before that he was a defenseman. He spent time toiling away in Wheeling, he ate up whatever minutes he could in WBS, everything to try to gain a roster spot in the NHL. Are you ready to see this? Only, instead of black and gold...it's brick red (hey, that's what it says), black, white, and sand (that's not a color either).

[AP]

Sad times...

With Phoenix, he's finally going to play night in, night out at the NHL level. It is still an incredibly sad thing to see because there is no time for the wounds to heal. The only possible way for this to be worse would have been if the New York Rangers or the New York Islanders had picked him up. For you clownshoes not paying attention, those are our two games before we take on the Coyotes at home on October 7th.

On that date, I hope your hearts are healed, because I'm not sure mine will be. I won't know what to do when Godard and Bissonnette throw down, preferably at center ice. I know in my head and heart already how this battle will take place. Old Lady Mellon will open her roof and a violent thunderstorm will be raging overhead, thunder and lightning, rain crashing down on the combatants. Their faces would not be streaked with just rain, but tears as well, as two men, friends off the battlefield, but enemies upon, lay knuckle and bone upon each other. There would be cliched lines of mercenaries just fighting on the wrong side this time and how they're just doing their job as they grab hold of their opponent's jersey with one hand and hold their own high ready to strike. Through this entire struggle, as the benches look on, not even knowing the magnitude of what they are watching, this is playing...

Godspeed, Bissonnette. Godspeed.

The Growing Rivalry - Franzén is Still a Joke

2009-09-28T14:37:00.000-04:00

You know, when I first started watching the Penguins game yesterday, I didn't really care. It was the end of the preseason, my boy Bissonnette was probably going to get sent back down to the minors despite having a huge preseason because of Godard and Rupp already being on the team, douche bags from Detroit were talking about my team like they were a bunch of clowns, just all around bad news. But, then, something glorious happened in a 3rd period of a game that was otherwise nobody caring, well, I mean, especially if we're going off those slim few that came out for the defending Western Conference Champions in Detroit (Hockeytown Indeed), my man Chris Kunitz reminded everyone that in his heart, he's still a Western Conference boy with venom in his blood.

We'll set the stage, like it's some sort of dramatic one act play. Johan Franzén, the stalwart of humanity he is, decides it's a good time to strike at the Penguins, deciding to go after the long haired lady killer, one Kris Letang. Now, if this game was in Pittsburgh, what happened next wouldn't have had a chance to happen. Roughly 90 percent of the female population in the Igloo would have beaten any Penguin to the punch and Franzén would've found himself dealing with some pissed off women. However, since the game was in Detroit and the Joe wasn't even 90 percent full period, the Penguins had to handle their business themselves.

Apparently, Franzén believed that Guerin was going to be the only Penguin after him after he dropped another Penguin to the ice with a cross check to the throat, mind boggling. Guerin skates at him, gets tangled up with another Wing momentarily, and Franzén seemingly thinks that it's all over. Really? Cross check a dude twice high, put him on his knees, and you think that's the only retribution that's coming your way? Enter Chris Kunitz, and enter this chaos that follows:

[Penguins Website, by way of the fine bitches over at Puck Huffers]

Chris Kunitz rolls in, gloves already off, ready for a good scrap and tackles an unbeknown Franzén who then gets Bill Guerin ontop of him as an added bonus with only tiny Brian Rafalski there to try and save him. Of course, since the only televised feed of this is the Detroit feed, we get some tasty homer style broadcasting. Cries of how it's dangerous that Kunitz came after him like that are repeated over and over. Though, then again, I guess it's true that it would be dangerous for "The Mule." I mean, the guy is used to going after people he's three inches taller than and has 20 pounds on. Either that or he's used to diving to the ice after taking a hit once he sees the ref when he turns around...

On the replay, it's like you can see Franzén's thought process laid out in full: "Man...that guy smacked me in the head...OH! Hey ref! OH MY FACE!" Literally in one shot he does a fucking double take at the ref before he drops to the ice, clutching his face. I assume the conversation between him and the trainer went something like this: "So, did a draw a penalty? Hope I didn't get one for diving..." Joke.

So yeah, I guess it would be dangerous for Franzén in this case. He's not ripping mouth guards out of smaller players' mouths or going after guys half his size, he actually had to defend himself for a few terrible seconds. Maybe that's why Kunitz caught him off guard, Franzén had no idea that could actually happen. The poor boy...

Later on (because we all know one good scrum deserves another), we find the hero of tGB, Eric Godard, with Mattias Ritola's life in his hands. RIIIIIIITOLA makes the mistake of the century by pairing off with Eric Godard during a scrum by the benches:

[Penguins Website, by way of the fine bitches over at Puck Huffers]

Everyone paired off after a hit near the bench and Brooks Orpik starting to throw Red Wings to the ice like he was a Scotsman at a caber toss. However, I take this moment to tip my hat to the linesmen of the NHL. These boys are essentially rodeo clowns when the gloves come off, having to dive in at a split second's notice to break something up before it turns ugly...well...uglier. RIIIIIIITOLA knows about the second he grabs Godard's jersey that it's going to only end badly for him and is basically saved by the linesman getting in between them.

I realize this a preseason game, I realize I talked about how the game didn't even matter, but really, when you see the scrums at the end of the game, Guerin, Kunitz, Orpik, and Godard all mixing it up, it warms my heart. Certainly this is a rivalry that is growing by the day and even though these teams barely play each other, the hate is there. All we really need is a hit on Draper to blow the top off of it.

Though, then again, he'd probably still be more pissed that Crosby didn't shake someone's hand...

The Press Need to Learn From the Leafs

2009-09-25T16:34:00.001-04:00

Really AP? Really Reuters? Scrums? Godard pushing around Nikita Filatov? Four Misconduct penalties? Six Fights (Including firsts for a few new Penguins and Bissonnette in two), and other various roughing calls to the likes of Godard and Rupp, and you give me nothing? Fuck you, press. Unfortunately for me and my readers, I don't exactly have a grounded imagination. While the radio broadcasters are attempting to describe a hockey fight, my mind has already wandered off to stuff like this in imagining who my Penguin is fighting:

So, really, for the sake of proper discussion of goonery, I'm going to need you to cooperate with me or else we're just going to see dinosaurs with lasers all the time. Granted, this isn't exactly a bad thing but this isn't a blog about Dinosaur Lasers, as much as that blog should exist.

Uh...anyway. It really was a classic case of a game not really mattering that got away and fell into goonery. Had the score not been what it was, we wouldn't have seen...or, in our case, heard, what happened out on the ice wouldn't have happened. Eric Godard and Mike Rupp wouldn't have been running around trying to take people's heads off and everyone would've made nice. It's not necessarily as true here, because we aren't rivals with Columbus (as much as I'd like to be), because they're in the Western Conference, but this is a clear cut case of message sending.

As any hockey fan will tell you, it's all about respect and honor in the NHL. When the score starts to get stretched, there's going to be a response to make sure that the other team knows that you're not going to get walked over. So out come the brick throwers and all around pests late in the game: Cooke, Engelland, Godard, and Rupp. All of these guys got some sweet sweet penalty action late in the game. While there's really nothing doing when it's sending a message to Columbus (we're not going to play them as much as Philly exactly), it still matters. Filatov will remember Godard running him next time he plays us.

However! For your viewing pleasure I do have one absolutely hysterical thing to post. But, first, the sweet, sweet back story: it's the playoffs last season, New York Rangers are in the process of blowing their series against the Washington Capitals. Henrik Lundqvist is giving up more goals high than your mom (I don't know what that means). Then, good old Donald Brasher decided it'd be a good idea to throw some elbows at Blair Betts, knocking him something fierce, the funny thing is the Rangers got penalties for responding. Oh, but it gets better. This free agent period the New York Rangers lost their tough guy, Colton Orr, to the Toronto Maple Leafs. So, who'd they go out and sign? Donald Brashear. Classic. Maybe the Avalanche can sign Todd Bertuzzi? Obviously, a bit of exaggeration, but the analogy makes sense, why sign a player fans hate? But, here is where it gets hysterical. I'll just let the moving pictures do the work now:

Round One? Absolutely Hysterical. Brashear gets side stepped and pummeled. Booed by the "faithful" of the New York Rangers. Round Two? Still Hysterical. Oh you fickle, fickle, New Yorkers. "Guess what? Fans like Donald Brashear now."

Well, at least until he runs into another fighter who doesn't want to put up with his clutch style of fighting...

It's Like Toronto is Outside My Window Playing "In Your Eyes."

2009-09-23T16:28:00.000-04:00

John Cusack is a good man, wouldn't you agree? He tries to be good to his lady types and what not even if he's kind of a jackass, he always attempts to get back with the woman he should be with by the end of the 3 hour adventure. Last night, Toronto attempted to pull a John Cusack and get back in my good graces. The press, on the other hand, is in the dog house now for having no sweet pictures of the fights, so we're going to go that fancy Youtube in order to get our carnage.

What we saw tonight is exactly how teams are going to get played by the Maple Leafs and how teams absolutely must respond. We'll start with the Paul Bissonnette fight against Jay Rosehill.

And here it is in black and white. The Penguins were leading and in control of the game, and a simple hit by Paul Bissonnette on Francois Beauchemin leads to an attempt by Jay Rosehill to change the momentum for the Leafs. This is something that will happen in every single game against the Leafs and while an attempt at a momentum shift is something that is a primary reason to fight, it's going to happen constantly with Toronto. If someone doesn't throw down, we're going to see bullshit like what Mike Komisarek did.

That the Penguins were on the wrong side of the penalties after this fight is absolutely ridiculous. Komisarek goes from boarding Matt Cooke to mugging Jordan Staal. Staal's a fucking pimp though because once the whole, Komisarek jumping him got past, Staal took control of the fight and ended up on top of Komisarek. Much like gay sex, the guy on top is the dominant one.

Paul Bissonnette, in between working his ass off to make the NHL roster (and it's a testament to him that he is still on the team after the first AHL send downs), tied in being a total badass to protect his teammate, Tim "The Alaskan Storm" Wallace. Wallace can totally protect himself, mostly because I'm pretty sure he was raised fighting Red King Crabs in Alaska, but also because he's thrown down with the likes of Milan Lucic and is no stranger to fisticuffs. Bissonntte understands that, but he still comes riding to the defense, because that's what this team does, whether it's Evgeni Malkin, Sidney Crosby, or the goons like Godard and Paul here.

This is why you fight, so people think twice before lighting up your teammates. Against teams like Toronto this season, this is paramount.

So, Toronto, you have attempted to win back my favor with 3 fights after giving me table scraps and then cheating on me, eh? I don't know if I'm gonna buy it just yet. You guys should invest in a boom-box and some Peter Gabriel, you know where my window is, right?

Like Finding your Best Friend Nailing your Woman

2009-09-20T03:46:00.001-04:00

Seriously, Flyers, Leafs, what the fuck are you doing to me? I see you getting all up in Toronto's business, Philadelphia, don't think I don't, we'll see how into I am when you start dropping the gloves with Godard and Rupp later this season. After a night of begging and pleading for insanity to go down when my boys are playing you Toronto, you pull this on me? I serenaded you, you bastards and you go stepping out to find the the drunk slut of goonery, the Philadelphia Flyers?

Fighting with the Philadelphia Flyers is like bagging the drunkest girl at the bar. The analogy gets a little murky though because, instead of the drunk girl thinking you're Ron Jeremy, the king of pornstars, the Philadelphia Flyers think you're some King of Goonery like Stu Grimson or Tie Domi. The Leafs, alas, are not. Last night showed me as much.

Yet, here those bastards are, cheating on me, with the other team in my state no less!

Let's go to the pictures...

[AP]

Our goons would have treated you with class, Toronto. Apparently, you'd rather have Carcillo jumping all over your shit while you're trying to do the honorable thing and go man vs. man. It's like you're trying to study for your big exam, but all your roommate is doing is playing Blue Swede's, "Hooked on a Feeling," over and over again. That's the "Ooga-Chaka," song for you clowns that don't know. You're trying to concentrate on your business or have a nice dance, not grab anything you're not supposed to, then Carcillo jumps all over you. Mike Rupp asked you politely to dance last night, Exelby, where were you then? Too busy thinking about the following night's two on one it seemed, slut.

[AP]

I. Love. Line. Brawls. How can you not love what is going on in this picture? There's actually four Flyers in this picture if you sift through all the mayhem. It's like "Where's Waldo," except instead of looking for the naked chick on the one beach picture in "Where's Waldo," (and you know you looked fucking long and hard for it when you were 9), you're trying to find the Flyer about to get his shit ruined the most. You know what I don't love, though? Line brawls with teams I want to have line brawls with. You ever see, "Old School?" Right now, it's the beginning of the movie, and me and my want for the Penguins in sweet fights are Luke Wilson. We've come home to see my fight, only to be treated to Darroll Powe uttering this line when we open the door.

"I'm here for the gangbang..."

Sluts.

Disappointment at its Finest

2009-09-18T23:35:00.001-04:00

You know what Toronto? You're never going to get another sweet post about how I think you're a bunch of collective badasses ever again. Sure, I might rant about Tie Domi at some point, but you guys as a team? Fat chance. Seriously, I'm about as disappointed as a woman is after a night with me right now. Let's go back and look at the two nights prior to tonight. Boston and Toronto had a bunch of sweet fights. Let's go back and look at last night. Philadelphia and Toronto had a bunch of sweet fights. Now, let's look at tonight:

NOTHING.

OK, OK, fine, maybe not nothing, I mean, Evgeni Malkin did do some pretty badass stuff. Malkin stepping up for Luca Caputi in the second period is what everyone is going to have to do against a team like Toronto because they will have people on every line and on every defensive pair willing to start shit. The Pens aren't strangers to this. I'm sure everyone recalls Sidney Crosby going right after Keith Ballard after he low bridged Malkin during a Panthers game last year. Presenting Evgeni Malkin doing his Ivan Drago impersonation.

First, though, there needs to be some background information. Evgeni Malkin isn't going to go all Ivan Drago for no reason, there's gotta be a reason, right? Don't worry, there is.

[AP]

Now, granted, this looks as though Luca Caputi could just be trying out for a figure skating team, (and judging by how often he was getting knocked around tonight, maybe he should be, woo), but this was a product of Ian White coming in a little too low with a hip check, and, if you're Evgeni Malkin, a little too close to his linemate's knees. Naturally, that lead to this:

[Reuters]

I must break you. Now, here's where it doesn't get as cool, because there's nothing I'd love to post more than a picture of Malkin punching White in the face with a caption of, "If he dies, he dies." Unfortunately, all we have is this:

[AP]

Um....if he's uncomfortable...he's uncomfortable? Vomit.

Meanwhile! You've got these sweet things going on around the league!

[AP]

Probably my favorite fight picture since Miro Satan with a big grin on his face laying some bricks. The blood on Tristan Grant's face and knuckles? Amazing.

Now...while I love Zenon Konopka, if only based on his sweet name, it's about to be bad news in this picture. Have you ever been in a situation like, your drunk friend has picked a fight with the wrong dude at the bar, your girlfriend just found your hidden porn cache on the computer, (the crazy shit), or you have a mid-term in ten minutes and you just woke up from a hard night of drinking? That's Konopka's situation right then. Look at that fist.

[AP]

Even the fucking Sharks were fighting! Do you know what's it like to be stood up by the Sharks? It's insanity is what it is! The Sharks are such babies and quitters that they even traded to get the biggest one in the entire league on their team!

Do you know what this all amounts to tonight, Pittsburgh, Toronto? Do you know what it makes you?

Cock. Teases.

And no, before any of you say anything, Biz Nasty's "fight" doesn't count.

The New and Improved(?) Toronto Maple Leafs

2009-09-17T00:53:00.000-04:00

There are certain things that are just going to happen in life. Off the top of my head; the Pittsburgh Pirates losing, premature ejaculation, and taxes. Tonight, I'm adding something to my list: a team created by Brian Burke being a bunch of fighting bastards.

They used to say things about the Pittsburgh Steelers that didn't include "Greatest NFL Franchise." In the days prior to the 1970s, and yes, the Steelers did exist before then, they didn't win often, but they would knock the blood Hell out of every team they played. I'm not exactly sure about the talent level of the Toronto Maple Leafs, but I have a feeling that playing them is going to be much in the same way.

Tonight the Leafs played the Bruins, and Brian Burke's subtle...OK, obvious touch of goonery showed greatly. Take a look at the box score, ladies and gentlemen.

First Period: Two fighting majors and a kneeing minor.

Second Period: Fighting Major, Tripping, Interference.

Third Period: Fighting Major, Roughing, Interference.

Phil Oreskovic got in two fights all on his own. 10 games played last year, two fights in one preseason game? It's like you're serenading Burke, Oreskovic...

[ESPN]

I mean...I'm not exactly sure what's going on in this picture, but helmets are flying about and there are fists in it, so I'm going to assume a fight.

This is quite the opposite of what appears to be going on in one of the other fights in the game...

[ESPN]

Apparently, Steve Bégin just got dumped. The poor boy is crying on his good friend Andre Deveaux's shoulder. Burke is not pleased, Andre.

Penguins fans will remember Deveaux for a different reason. Actually, you might not because you may have turned the game off already. It's OK, no one would have given you shit about it. After an entire night of Eric Godard trying to get Andre Deveaux into a fight, Deveaux instead decides to fight "some Russian," (Don Cherry's words, not mine), in Ruslan Fedotenko. What a tough guy. With Steve Bégin being only 5'11", Deveaux's 6'3" behind seems to be continuing his wonderful style of fighting men smaller than him.

So, what can we expect from the Toronto Maple Leafs? Fights and tough hitting. I'm sure the smarter among you have noticed I haven't even mentioned Mike Komisarek. Komisarek won't goon it up as much, according to www.hockeyfights.com he only has 16 career fights at the NHL, with a career high of 5. That doesn't change the fact that he'll be a tough guy to play against. He's going to throw some massive checks and have plenty of people ready to answer if the bell if any are dirty.

Oh...and right...they have some guy named Colton Orr too...

Bring your ice packs when the Pens play the Leafs this season, they're gonna be needed.

Long Dormant, Trying This Again

2009-09-16T00:36:00.000-04:00

So, good lord, do I feel like a total "Goon", (I think that pun gave me internal bleeding), for totally forgetting about this place. You know how it is, big time plans, going to do great things, but then this or that happens. The Pens great season happened for me, and I got swept up in it, but I've returned now to actually make an attempt at this blog, because it's something I really wanted to do but got away from. That aside, let's try to start this a new with a new season, it's great to have puck back in my life.

Tonight we saw the glorious return of the Pittsburgh Penguins. They did something pretty important last year, but it's just that now, last year. 9 goals in the game, that's kind of cute, but here, we're more concerned with the good stuff. The fights, let's get to it.

It's the pre-season, boys and girls, which means one thing for the goon: Job Security.

Ross Bernstein's The Code: The Unwritten Rules of Fighting and Retaliation in the NHL, can basically be used like a textbook here. Young guys are going to try to make a name for themselves, and the big way to do that? Go after a big star and/or fight. I don't need to remind my fellow Penguins fans of the name David Koci. The man was essentially the reason we had some of our struggles after putting Gonchar on the shelf. He then stepped up and fought Eric Godard to boot. And you know what kids? People remember that, and if you look at the Colorado Avalanche's roster this season? Guess whose name you'll see? No...go on, guess, I can wait...

Got it? No?

David Koci. A man who was a career AHLer could easily see an entire season in the NHL with the Avalanche because of that one pre-season game. Though, it certainly doesn't hurt that the Avalanche aren't exactly a good team either...

So! What does that say about tonight? It says three guys who haven't seen big time NHL time are trying to do anything to get on the team.

We'll start, of course, with my main man Eric Godard. Now, mind you folks, I'm listening to this game, going of of what people who saw it live said, and photographs. Not exactly journalism, but I'm not writing for the PPG either. Anyhoo, our night with Eric Godard begins with what I believe the creation of what would come later: Puck Retriever. According to my dear, dear, friend over at Puck Huffers, (check 'em out, jokes), Godard replaced the usual suspect Kris Letang as the clean-up crew, snagging all the pucks from the net before the game. Perhaps Godard didn't like being whipping boy? Who's to say?

After his usual rabble rousing and a two minute roughing minor, Godard finally found himself a dance partner:

Thanks to fleuryous, a longtime cblogger over at tPB, (check them out too, for that matter), for the shot. The calm before the storm, as it were. Godard's partner is Tom Sestito, a 21 year old ragamuffin with one, count 'em, one career NHL game and two seasons in the AHL. Kid's just trying to make a name for himself, and who better to go after than one of the baddest dudes in the NHL?

Really though, one has to wonder why Godard needs to fight, his title as King Enforcer for the Penguins is secured right? Well...not if Deryk Engelland has anything to say about it. Engelland is another in a long line of legendary, (And yes, I do mean that.), AHL enforcers who never can quite crack it at the NHL. My personal favorite is Dennis Bonvie, but I'm sure there will be more on him in the time to come. For now, I give you Engelland, doing what he does best...

[ESPN]

For those of you who can remember Black Sheep: Alive...Alive....Alive....DEAD.

[Snagged from tPB]

Fist, have you met my friend, Doug Lynch's face? Let me introduce you to him, repeatedly.

Perhaps though, Eric Godard has little to fear, as poor Douggie Lynch was playing in an Austrian Hockey League last year, the poor soul. This, however, is why Pre-Season hockey is exciting. While you'll see guys like Evgeni Malkin sitting out, their position obvious, you'll see guys like Tom Sestito, Deryk Engelland, and Doug Lynch fighting. Not just fighting for the sake of a fight, as we'll see through the regular season when the game is getting a little boring, but fighting for their careers, fighting for a job.

You got to love that.

Protecting the Wizard

2008-07-04T18:19:00.000-04:00

With the departing of what seems to be, the entirity of the Pens fists from their roster, many Penguin fans have w0rried that we will see a return to Sid Crosby's first year and a half as an NHL pro.

Many will remember Jason Blake's spear and Derian Hatcher's all around douche-baggery. With the departure Big Georges Laraque, many Penguins fans are fearful that these things will happen again. I can safely say that this is not going to happen.

Eric Godard to the rescue.

There is nothing that cannot be said about how this guy fights. In my previous post I showed him fighting whom many people think to be the top fighter in the league (Yes Pens fans, some people think there are better fighters then Laraque, I'm surprised too) Derek Boogaard of the Minnesota Wild. Godard not only dropped him, but dazed Boogs and knocked him out of the game. You'll notice the commentator say that Boogaard was so dazed that he head to the Calgary penalty box instead of Minnesota's. I'm sold.

Brooks Orpik to the rescue.

Well before Orpik's days of handing out Free Candy (http://thepensblog.com/ is solid beyond solid, check it out) he was the "enforcer" of the Pre-Lockout "teams" of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Back in the day when Aleksey Morozov and Konstantin Kotlsov (I know, BARF) were the only players that needed protecting, Brooks was delivering the fists big time. I think it's time Brooks Orpik became a fighter again. In 03-04 he didn't have a huge amount of fights (actually only 3, I seem to be eating my shoe right now, as I clearly remember more) but Orpik was no stranger to dropping the gloves. In 07-08 he quietly had 3, but was a bit forgotten as most of his fights were in games where everyone was fighting such as that Philadelphia whitewashing early in the season. Orpik needs to bring out some bone crunching hits with his fists in 08-09.

Max Talbot to the rescue.

Clearly not a player who can fight the big boys like Brooks and and Godard, but Max Talbot will hold his own against the middle weights of the NHL. Powered by his oft grown Fu-Manchu forcefield, Max Talbot can hold his own against the Mike Comries and Ben Eagers of the NHL. It should be noted that Talbot isn't the greatest fighting, and has gotten his ass kicked numerous times. But sometimes it's about going into the fight, not who wins, that protects and serves the team. Tie Domi didn't always win, and he often times went up against people much better then him, but The Goon Blogger believes he is one of the greatest Enforcers of all time.

So fear not Pens fans, Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin will be well protected. And it's not as though these boys can't protect themselves either. Crosby is tough, scrappy, and has dropped the gloves himself. Malkin has dropped the gloves, but his would be opponent did not. Malkin is also from a hard Russian Steeltown. 'Nuff said.

Let the Blood Flow and the Punches Fly

2008-07-02T20:50:00.000-04:00

To use a sports cliche right off the bat, it's time to get on this blogging bandwagon. I seem to be a little late to the show but I hope to find a niche, or at the very least a place to vent/rant/whatever you want to call it about the true legends of hockey, the Goons.

With every amazing offensive talent, there has been a big guy, an enforcer, a goon, behind them to make sure that they could do what they do best.

Guy Lafleur had Larry Robinson.

Wayne Gretzky had Dave "Cementhead" Semenko

Sidney Crosby had Georges Laraque, and now has Eric Godard.

Robinson and Semenko just scartch the surface of the the legends behind the Goon Squad of hockey's history. Here, they will be honored.

As for what has finally made me decide on creating this blog? Some scared fans in Steeltown. While I was certainly crushed that Jarkko Ruutu was not going to be with the Penguins next year and neither would Georges Laraque, there is still plenty of meat on the bones of the Pittsburgh Penguins. Here at The Goon Blog, we will follow the adventures of Max Talbot, Brooks Orpik, and the newly signed Eric Godard's fists. But! You non Pens fans are not without reason to come here as well, as all goons are loved here, past and present.