Making Yourself at Home

I've moved a few times in my life readers. Despite my family being from Pittsburgh, I lived for my first five month's on God's green Earth in a little place known as Binghamton, New York. After that I lived in Pittsburgh, bounced to Baltimore, and came back to Pittsburgh where I shall hopefully remain forever. What a town. Anyway, there's totally a point coming: my eldest brother made his presence known in the neighborhood we moved into very quickly in Baltimore. You see, it was Baltimore, so of course there were dregs of society all around. Now, one cold winter's day, some asshat was pelting a girl from the neighborhood with snow balls as she tried to go about her day. She politely asked him to stop. He did not. My brother went enforcer on him. Throw snow balls back? No, that's what he's already doing, got to take it to the next level.



You ever had your head shoved into a trash can full of snow? Had it dumped on you? It ain't pleasant. It puts an end to crap without bloodshed. It's a dope move. So, while the girl's mother was asking my mother if my brother were single, one thing was known about this family: they were legit and became part of the neighborhood.

Coming to a new hockey team is the same thing. Mike Comrie shows up when he has to for the Penguins. Here's Kris Letang, heralded as one of our showcase defensemen, someone to be protected, someone who you don't let other teams take advantage of. Maxim Lapierre takes a run at Kris Letang, Comrie doesn't like it.



Welcome to Pittsburgh, Mike.

Lapierre is already going to the box for charging here, but Comrie sends an extra message, you're going to have to pay the price if you want to play that kind of chippy affair. Perhaps the message is received, perhaps it isn't. But, do you think all the guys on the Penguin bench didn't receive a message even if Max Lapierre didn't? Every one on that bench took notice. All the Penguin mothers are asking Mike Comrie if he's sin-WOA! Too close to talking about that thing I said I wouldn't talk about.

Anyway, this game was exactly what the Flyer game was supposed to be. I'm sure you're wondering why I didn't write about the game against the Flyers, the first at the CEC! The pageantry! The glory! The twenty-two combined penalty minutes and no fights! Wait, what? Yeah, fuck that game, wasn't a real game against the Flyers, nope, doesn't count.

Anyhoo, this game was a chippy game, a "tough scrabble," game as our Vice-President would say. Everyone got a little bit of that vengeance they wanted, mostly against P.K. Subban.



Every one says it's an accident, and it totally is. But, with Jordan Staal still on the shelf? I kind of wish it wasn't. Now, I don't wish injury on people...usually...but, do I wish a "Nagging Injury that Forces You To Miss Time On the Ice But Doesn't Effect Your Life Otherwise?" Well...


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Can't say I'd be too upset if he wasn't playing against those two. Dude's a fierce competitor...just like that guy who's foot he kicked...

I ain't sorry Subban.

You know who didn't get any vengeance? Max fucking Talbot. Dude gets taken advantage by opposing teams pests than female interns at Vogue Magazine. Max Lapierre, as previously mentioned, fought Mike Comrie for his charge early in the game. Max Talbot tries to get in the act, but instead Lapierre just shakes his gloves at him and then takes a few punches, skating away laughing. Have fun in the box, Superstar. Sound familiar? Sound like Ruutu? Sound like Cooke? There's no video of Lapierre making Talbot look like a clown, so I'll just post this instead:



You mad? Cause I sure as Hell am. What a smug bastard.

God damn would he look good in Black and Gold though...

And Then Everyone Went Fucking Insane

I like the Twilight Zone, readers. It's got a sweet opening theme song, it's got insane episodes about insane stuff, and it being referenced as "The Scary Door," in Futurama is one of my favorite running jokes in that series. So, when I say the games against Columbus where my own personal, goon related, Twilight Zone? I want you to know where I'm coming from.

Flash it back to September 24th and LOOK at the players dressed for that game: Craig Adams, Arron Asham, Matt Cooke, Deryk Engelland, Eric Godard, Mike Rupp, and Max Talbot. A feast of goons and pests fit for a King, there will be fights, scuffles, hatred, everything. Let's just take a gander at this here box score so I can figure out long this post is going to me...wait a second.

No fights? None? Zilch? Zip? Nada? Goose egg?



You're got to be fucking kidding me! Stunned doesn't even begin to describe how I felt about this game. No fights at all in a preseason game against a fake rival.

What a disappointment, I guess the game the next day didn't have any fights either, what with so many non goons dressing...wait what?

Five fucking fights?



A day after a goon's delight is ruined you give me five fucking fights? Let's get at it. We'll start with Kris Letang, who might be the craziest person I have ever seen in a preseason game.





I'm all for the skill guys sticking up for themselves now and then. But I like them doing for the right reason. While it's totally badass that Kris Letang handles his own and wins BOTH of these fights, his mind is clearly not on playing good hockey. In the second fight you can hear the announcers talking about who is getting under whose skin because of all this. I lean towards Steiggy on this one, Letang was out of his mind for this game. In addition to his two fights, Letang was stick fighting people all night. There is nothing I deplore more than people using their sticks as weapons. A crosscheck here and there keeps a man honest, but when they come up around the face like Letang's often does when he gets in one of his temper tantrums? That's where I draw the line. How long until we see another one of these incidents again?





Fucking stupid. Kris Letang: If you're going to fight, fight. Don't go halfway about it waving your stick at people's head predominantly and only SOMETIMES dropping the gloves. You're a pro hockey player, you're better than that. Hell, I don't think you should be fighting at all, let Eric Godard or Mike Rupp or Arron Asham or Craig Adams or Max Talbot or Matt Cooke go handle that business for you. You worry about putting on sniper shows with your wrist shot...when you can hit the net, that is... These guys get paid to look out for you so you can do what you do. You know why Sidney Crosby only has a handful of career fights? Because he's too fucking busy using his hands to score a shit load of goals. Maybe you should do the same, Letang.

Furthermore, it's not like Letang's fight had any purpose to them at all. Both of them were just two players with tempers that decided to drop them for no apparent reason. A check they didn't like too much, an unnecessary crosscheck, and then they went at it. They're good scraps kid, I liked 'em, keep the stick down and a cool temper, fight once in a blue moon? We'll be all right. Keep throwing temper tantrums? I'll keep doggin' ya.


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This picture is pretty fucking unreal, though. Get some.

Surprisingly, Evgeni Malkin's fight was ALMOST in the right mold. I say ALMOST because while it's good for Malkin to answer the bell against someone who took a run at him earlier in the game, again I'd like to see him using his hands to pocket those one timers I love seeing him score rather than punching dudes. Unfortunately, one of those unwritten rules of The Code is all about goons not fighting superstars, so while I'd have loved to see Eric Godard swing Rick Nash around and sock him in the face, it wasn't going to happen. Evgeni Malkin stepped up like a champ for himself, though.



No replay of the hit Nash laid on Malkin earlier in the game. The Pens announcers however talk about Nash running Malkin and the elbow laid on Malkin and this and that. Malkin stepped up in a big way for himself, I just hope he doesn't make a habit of it. Neck thing you know he'll be pulling a Ruslan Fedotenko, hotter than a two dollar pistol, then this happens:



Broken hand. Just like that. Stay away from those fights for me, eh Geno?





Leave it to the pros and the guys fighting for a roster spot.

It is so good to see Eric Godard dropping the gloves. Godard dropping the gloves does a lot of things: scares the crap outta people seeing a huge dude dropping bombs but more to our team's own importance, getting them back on task. At this point in the game, that is when Godard dropped his gloves, the Penguins were running around unfocused, taking runs, getting hit and retaliating, and finding themselves down 1-0. The rest of the second period, until Brooks Orpik took a penalty as time expired, the Penguins fought back with some good puck play and tied it up at one. A heavyweight bought brings the fans back into the game, and refocuses a team. Why do you think you see guys shouting "Let's Go!" so often after a fight?

I got no problem with Timmy Wallace. I think he's a solid grinder that'll play in the AHL and get some starts in the NHL now and then. The fact that he fights is just icing on the cake. What is even better, is that he fights without fear. Adding Derek Dorsett, a guy who has 27 career fights in the NHL, to a fight card that already had Milan Lucic on it, gives me a lot of respect for the Alaskan. He won't get a lot of playing time in the NHL with so many ahead of him in the pipeline, but he'll come with a ton of heart every time he gets a shot.

With dudes like Godard, Rupp, and Asham and AHL guys looking for a spot like Wallace and Engelland, there is no need for people like Kris Letang, Evgeni Malkin, or Sidney Crosby to fight. It's pretty fucking cool in the moment because you never see it and you're stoked to see it happen, but it ain't so cool when he breaks his hand or gets his clock cleaned. You worry about pounding pucks between the 4X6. Let Eric Godard worry about pounding faces.